LothFamily Happenings

so sorry

2011-04-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Dear neglected blog,

I am so sorry. You are supposed to be how I document and remember the fleeting moments of life, but Im too busy to check in.

Basically, the kids are cute. we love them. they get bigger every day :)

We just had a visit from Grandma and Papa and the kids had a blast swimming at the hotel (as usual). It was easy with them being older. Abram has a life vest and floaties and out he went, all on his own, and he LOVED it.

We are getting ready for a visit from Nana, Auntie Sarah and cousins Mimi and Giana. They are coming for Mothers Day and Calebs birthday and its all the kids talk about. We are returning to Great Wolf Lodge and the kids can hardly wait. I can hardly wait to squeeze my nieces! They will be here 10 days - I anticipate lots of late nights laughing and crying with my sister. She's amazing! And Abram is so ready for all his hugs and kisses from Nana - she will be in Nana heaven!

We've had some more rough bouts with sickness but thankfully we are healthy, healthy right now! Ive been off of sugar and gluten completely for 6 weeks and Ive lost 15lbs. Ive changed a lot of things, added a lot of good raw superfoods and its starting to pay off. I feel good!

Thats all for now ... more work to do! :)

February 24, 2011

2011-02-23T21:48:00.000-08:00

Faith

There was death, in me, wrapped up in my womb.
What should have been.
Life Potential.
Gone.

But she wasn't. She was there, inside, still mine.

For weeks I lay down at night, weeping womb, and eyes.
I wanted her to stay, my only chance to hold her...
Here.

And our time came, so violent, so much.
I was tested and what came was fear.
She was leaving. And my body betrayed. And tried to go too.

And You were there, incarnate in hands held and prayers whispered.
In bright lights and loopy somewhere,
You whispered, "stop".

And you, who should be here, at my breast and in my arms. You went alone.

Do you hear me Faith? Do you hear the quiet, aching, weeping of my womb?
But you don't ... You're with Him.
The light breaks through.

Never mine. You weren't.
We are sisters, clinging to the same Love.
Saved by the same grace.

Sometimes I almost feel you here in my arms, smell you ....
and the stinging wave crashes hard.

Death tried to empty me sweet daughter,
but it's lost its sting. Our Savior. He won. He heals.
I smile at what He's done.

Because of Him we have life here ~ and there.
'Til I see you and we dance on streets of gold, I love you.
Your Mama

© Rachel Loth, 2011

Catching up

2011-02-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

Wow its been a long time since I blogged! I was really enjoying using my blog to post about the things I DID accomplish each day as a way of being positive and thankful. However some comments from an anonymous poster kind of discouraged me from sharing so much. Im always an open book but it unsettled me a bit.

Anyways, Im back :)

We got hit hard with either the flu or something very flu-like a few weeks ago. We have never been so sick and I think thats actually the first time we all got sick together. By God's grace I did not get the high fever, aches, etc. that everyone else did. I did get a bad cough and have a day or two of not feeling great but nothing like them, and that enabled me to take care of them like they needed me to. Ive dealt with a lot of sickness and fevers as a mother but this bug was the worst fever Ive seen by far. Their fevers were SO high. Even alternating tylenol and advil they'd still have fevers of 102. I usually let fevers run their course without meds but they were very uncomfortable and not eating or drinking without meds - thats when you know you need them!

Strangely Steve and the big boys were the sickest. Abram was last to get sick and I was so, so, SO thankful that he had a very mild case. I was sleep-deprived and emotionally spent by that point :) We are super glad to be healthy right now!

We had record low temps a week ago with ice and snow and today it was 80. You gotta love Texas, the weather here still amazes me after 5+ years. We are going to have a gorgeous week in the 70s - I call this "California weather" :)

God has done something beautiful as the day I would have been due with our sweet baby draws near. Ive kind of dreaded it, not knowing how it would make me feel. The day is February 24th. There were/are several mama friends of mine, from church, due around the same time. It has been very hard at times, over the past 6 months, to see their growing bellies. Usually the sadness only lasted for a moment, but those moments have been hard. Well one by one the Lord has brought them to me to ask for help with their childbirths. I LOVE being a doula. Each time Ive been blessed to be at a birth has been so incredibly special.

I recently attended the births of two of these sweet moms. Both had successful VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) and both were AMAZING experiences. The second mom was actually due the same exact day I was. So as I think of my due date drawing near, instead of crying I am smiling and smiling BIG. The Lord was kind to take me right to that pain and hurt and to the people its been hardest to be around, and allow me to serve them and be blessed in return.

Ill be attending another birth as doula in a few weeks and meeting with another couple soon for a "crash course childbirth class". I love it, it nourishes my soul. Im so thankful. And truly I am thankful things are as they are - He knows. I am too blessed to do anything but give thanks. We are still looking forward to more little Loths around here one day but we are enjoying the break and having "big kids" too! :)

enough blabbing. Back to work, editing and uploading and trying to get things done while everyone sleeps soundly.

Pretty

2010-12-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

The other day Abram brought me a picture and told me it was "pretty". He had never used that word all on his own so I was surprised. This is the dialogue that followed. Still chuckling over it ....

Is mommy pretty?
No mommy pretty.
Is Jayna pretty?
No Jayda pretty (thats how he says Jayna :))
Well who's pretty then?
Grandma!

That made Grandma's day :)

Later at dinner we went around the table and asked and he said only Noah was pretty. That made Noah have to pretend it made him mad and the rest of us got a good laugh :) He came up to me the other day and said, "Mommy pretty and me pretty too!" in this super high little kid voice. Soooooo cute. We've been working on teaching him about boys being "handsome".I love this age!

Goings on

2010-12-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

My stinker of a 2yr old got the bottle of Melatonin yesterday somehow. I have no idea how/why it was out on the counter. It had been a few days since we'd used it and Im always so careful to put it up because the top is not childproof. He was chewing up 10 of them when I found him. My heart goes so easily back to that place of fear from when he was so sick back in June. Its so helpless to just have to watch and wait for that moment when you are supposed to know when to rush them to the ER.

Just the thought of losing him (or any of the children of course) makes my heart so sick. Last night I laid in bed next to him, stroking his head and praying, my heart bursting with love for him. And I felt the Lord say, "many other mothers have loved their children like this, and I was with them all". It was a gift of peace for my mommy heart. Of all the many mothers who have cried out to God for their children's lives, some lost their children and some saw them grow up and have children of their own. Peace isnt a promise of any outcome, but only the knowledge that He is good and no matter what He will be there in the middle of it. Thats the faith part. We have had the opportunity to experience that over and over the last 14 months or so & we have seen miraculous things happen, His provision and protection and healing.

We went to a Christmas event at the Children's hospital tonight. We have a good friend who works there. He asked us if we ever had to bring any of the children there and we had a good laugh - Noah had a frequent flyer card for awhile. And of course we came very close to being there yesterday with ABram. As the fireworks blasted forth in the sky I looked up to the second floor windows and saw crowds of beautiful, but very sick, children smiling, their eyes dancing in amazement. I pray for their mothers tonight, that they would know His peace in the middle of their storm and that He would heal their children. I pray next year they will be outside with us, huddling in the cold with cookies and hot chocolate and a year worth of stories of healing and provision.

More happiness

2010-12-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

You can read a few posts down about why Im listing all the good parts of our day. Its not to brag, its to battle self-condemnation and be thankful for all the wonderful aspects of being a mother to 4 young children!

So I didnt blog about Sunday. oh dear. Church that morning was awesome, we felt so loved and welcomed back after sickness had kept us away. It was restoring to my soul, so beautiful to worship with the Church. Then that evening we went to a Christmas performance. We went with friends but Steve had to work. Lets just say .... not so good. The kids were a little restless, the people in front of us got rude and I left. We all cried all the way to the car. I told them Id never take them anywhere again, etc. Not pretty. But we took our evening back - got home, had dinner they love (quesadillas and apples), baked some gingerbread cookies (shout out to Immaculate Baking Co) and watched Elf. We were happy again, laughed, and ended the night well. Im proud of that. and thankful.

Yesterday was another great day (thank you Jesus! these days are water to our parched souls) In the evening we drove to Grapevine to see "Journey to Bethelehem". We had to wait quite a bit and the kids were very well behaved. The actual "Journey" was way more real than I expected - hiking in the dirt over small hills, over a bridge, etc. in the pitch black night. Roman guards rode up on horses and checked our papers, and they had real camels, sheep and donkeys. They had a very realistic Bethlehem marketplace set up.... it was really neat. The kids loved the bunnies.It was COLD but the big boys especially had a blast. We ended the night with hot chocolate, popcorn and playing in their playscape. Super fun memories :) We got to bed late but its ok!

We have always been honest with our kids that Santa isnt real. We tell them about Saint Nicholas and how some families pretend Santa for fun and we should never ruin it, etc. But sweet Caleb is really thinking it all over this year. He keeps asking if Santas real, "just tell me the truth mom". I always tell him he's not but there is so much in our culture that says he is, that he asks again lol. He is so sweet and sincere. I just love his tender heart.

Pictures coming soon. These posts are boring without pictures :)

Yesterday

2010-12-05T06:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of the best days we've had as a family. Im the one who loves family outings, holiday-related activities, etc. Steve ..... not so much. I start calling him scrooge about this time of year :). We tried the pumpkin patch in Oct and ended up with 2 of 4 kids having a nasty attitude and leaving totally miserable, hot, dirty and full of regret for even trying.

Like iI mentioned before, we got rid of our fake tree a few years ago because of the lead thing. And this year Caleb asked for a tree. So we headed to Mainstay Farms yesterday to cut down our own. We had an AWESOME day! They had go-kart things to ride (pedal), a huge tube slide, tractor rides, a jumping pad thing, etc. All for free. The kids had a blast and the weather was gorgeous. We had low ceilings in this house so we had to go for a smaller tree - and only those were anywhere near our budget. At the very end when we were about to leave we found "the one" :) It looked tiny but its just absolutely perfect in our house and smells wonderful. The price was a little steep but it makes me feel good to support a Christian, local, "green" business and not WalMart. And we actually came home to a Christmas check from a relative that covered it all. Praise God!

There was pretty much no fighting, we stopped and got lunch on the way home and the kids loved that (I wont even say where but it was cheap so that was good :)) I had a photo session just before sunset and it was cold but a really fun one, with fun people. I came home and hung the Christmas lights outside while Steve napped before his Sat night job. JJ and Abram came out and "helped" :) Then we put the lights on the tree inside - the kids too turns holding the string for me and following me around and around while I hung them on the tree (scrooge was not sad to miss this even so dont worry about him)

Then I made homemade waffles with freshly ground spelt. The kids LOVED them, said they were like cake. They did taste that good and were totally healthy, no sugar, etc. We use agave as syrup. We did our advent reading and Jesse tree ornament as well as our advent calendar before dinner over. It was a perfect end to a great day :) It was SO great to be out and not stuck here all day. The house is a disaster but it doesnt matter, it was worth it

Now off to get ready for church - finally after weeks and weeks we are all healthy and ready to go. I adore our church family, so real, so beautiful. I cant wait to go worship with them this morning!

Sweet Moments from today

2010-12-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

(See my post below about why Im doing this)

Good things from our day - Day 2

- snuggled in bed a bit this morning with Jayna in one arm and Abram in the other. She's such a tiny little fairy, I just adore her. Id look at her full of love and amazement one minute then burst into tears at how much she's grown the next (darn hormones). I told her about when she was a baby and I was sooooo excited to be having a girl and everything was pink and she wore a bracelet every day. She smiled and snuggled in and when I cried she told me she'd never leave me. But then she told me Id have to give her money. haha!

- Abram just woke up with growing pains in his legs (doesnt he seem young for that?) He kept saying "hurting". So cute. I got him advil and rubbed his legs a bit and just held him and sang our favorite song until he fell back asleep.

- Parked the suburban at the end of the driveway and the kids rode scooters and played out front. I worked on hanging up the Christmas lights and priming some spots on the garage door (although then I changed my mind on which lights I wanted and took them down :)) I told Noah if he could rake all the leaves into a big pile they could jump in them. And he did :) The neighbors joined for a bit then we went next door and they played in their front yard while I chatted with the parents. Abram stuck by me like glue, sweetie pie. The kids had a blast and were covered head-to-toe with leaves so I took them all in for a shower!

- Abrams up again ... mommy duty calls!

A New Project

2010-12-02T18:06:00.001-08:00

I really dont need another project at the moment but I have something I want to try on my blog. It may be extremely boring for my readers but helpful, hopefully, to me.

One day, awhile ago, I realized that every single night I went to bed I ended my day with self-condemnation. It was usually relating to failures as a wife and mother. I never, ever went to bed and thought, "I did a good job being a mommy today". When I think back to the last 8 years as mommy, the first things that come to mind are failures. I was too hard on Noah when he was little, expected too much, pushed him to read too early, yelled too much, etc. And these days I feel like Im on the computer too much, not teaching the kids enough, too short tempered, etc.

But of course I did do some good things and some things right. I remember taking Noah out to toddle around and sitting for hours teaching him colors and shapes when he was only 1 (he knew them so early!). But I really do have a bad memory and dont remember as much as I should.

so what I want to try to do as often as possible is list the good things from my day. Moments my children were happy or felt loved, or I took time to sit and snuggle with them or just any good moment from our day. Since I have a horrible memory and tend to remember the bad more often than the good, I think this will be a good exercise.

so here goes .......

- Abram fell asleep going to pick up Noah, around 4pm. I got home and we could NOT get him to wake up. If we tried he just said, "go away! go away!". Steve and I were cracking up about that. so after several failed attemps I just let him sleep on my chest. I fell asleep with him for half an hour while a movie played and the older kids played elsewhere. We had a good snuggle (and a nap for mommy is a very rare treat!) :)

- Noah was putting his mouth on the end of a yellow latex dish-washing glove and blowing it up. Then Abram would run up and "pop" it and run away screaming and laughing. It was so sweet.

- I was pretending to sleep and Abram would tip toe up excitedly, giggling with anticipation. Id just have to yell "rawrrrrr!" and he'd literally fall down, laughing hysterically. It was just too easy. I love his big smile and his dimples and the pure joy when he's belly-laughing.

- Caleb put on some kids bible songs and he, Jayna and Abram danced around singing. Caleb pretended to play guitar on a wooden sword. Too cute. He loves music.

- and I dont want to forget the look on Steves face today when Jayna ran in and curled up on his lap. Usually she makes him work very hard for any affection and its extremely hit-and-miss. He was so shocked & instantly wrapped around her finger. She is getting so big, I keep telling her to stop growing

- Noah had school today. They had a spelling bee and he missed his first word ("yawn" - which he does know how to spell). He was so bummed, poor guy. He's thriving at school though and loves it.

- Caleb asked if we could put the tree in the front room and open presents infront of it on Christmas. My sappy boy :) We got rid of our big fake tree a few years ago when it came out that they often contain lead and the dust from them can cause lead poisoning. Caleb was dealing with some serious neurological delays so we got rid of anything that could cause him further harm. Im going to try and talk Steve into either a real one this year (achoo!) or a new fake one. For Caleb :)

so those are my happy moments from today. There is a long list of things I didnt do but Im thankful for all the sweet moments, the hugs, the giggles, the love.

Happy Birthday Noah!

2010-10-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

Like my new cheery background?! I dont know what took me so long. It got so ugly and depressing. Now it makes me smile :) and heres to something happy to blog about ....

My first baby turns 8 today! Here is my facebook post from today:

My first baby turns 8 today! I feel old :) Noah is a wonderful young man, we are so thankful for him. He's getting straight A's at school, has a sweet tender heart towards the Lord., has a passion for justice and is crazy creative. He loves to take things apart and make new creations from them and loves being outside. We calculated he is 7.88 times his birth weight at 70lbs even (tall and skinny). (special props to my BW friends. You helped me survive my first baby! glad we are still friends! :)) Stacy Zohner Woods, Alli Eckermann, Jennifer Doherty, Carol Wolfe Mitchell, Janelle Troyer, Colleen Dewey Poteat, Michelle Evans, Rachelle Shultz

We really are so thankful for Noah. He is quite a challenge sometimes but its because the Lord has filled him with such passion. The Lord has great plans for him!!!

With his dogs and a bug in a bag. Happy as can be! :)

My heart today

2010-10-20T12:48:00.001-07:00

I have a dear, dear friend who is waiting to miscarry. She has had several miscarriages before and also has 4 living children like we do. We have walked through a lot together and I have had the honor of being there for her in some of her hardest losses. After years and years of online friendship, I heard her voice for the first time two months ago. While I lay at home miscarrying I was afraid, and called her. She was there for me, as she always has been and now I find myself being on the other side of things again.

I wrote this to her in an email today. It sums up my heart this week. My cycle has returned for the first time since the miscarriage. Its a confusing swirl of emotions. I try to just let them come each day, and not judge myself for what they are....

The other night I lay thinking of what happened to me and of you dear friend and I felt the brokenness of this world SO heavily on my heart. I just wept. But then I thought of our friends who just had their first baby after miscarrying their first pregnancy and how beautiful a story the Lord is writing for them as they find Him in new ways. And I thought of my own babies here with me, and yours, and all the moments His beauty and kindness break though the darkness to our hearts. And while I still felt that brokenness, I could only weep again, this with thankfulness, that He doesnt leave us down here to suffer on our own. He could walk away from this broken and decaying world but He doesnt. He holds our hands through the dark parts, and offers hope.

my heart,

D&C yesterdasy

2010-09-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

I went in yesterday morning for a D&C. It turns out there was still a lot inside my uterus so my Dr was really glad we went that route and so was I. I feel great today, no spotting, no cramping, no pain at all. The Lord was so kind and gracious and they day went as smoothly as it could have.

My friend Carmen was able to come with me. We laughed and joked as they prepped me (that blue hat I had to wear was super cool), put in the IV, etc. Then I remember the nurse giving me something "to help me relax" and the next thing I new I was waking up like 2 hours later. Easy!

Im very thankful for my OB. I still wouldnt want to have a baby with her, I still would want a midwife. But OBs are trained to deal with problems and to do surgeries and she was exactly what I needed through this miscarriage, she was definitely sent by the Lord. She was kind and sensitive, tearing up more than once as I cried in the room with her. Her nurse was also very sensitive and kind

The Lord has lifted depression off of me in the last week. Its a long story but Im lighter and more jofyul - and so thankful. He hears our prayers!!!! I still have sad moments, things that catch my heart and tug at it but thats ok, and normal. Now Im looking forward to recovery and getting back to myself. We will definitely be giving my body and heart a break before thinking of more children ~ but we do still hope for more.

My kids have been so sweet. As wild and crazy (and destructive, oh my goodness!) as they can be, they have been so sensitive to me. Sometimes I cry when laying with Abram and he's always like, "you 'tay mommy? you 'tay?". I just love them all so, so, so much! Despite all thats happened, how could I be anything but thankful for these sweet souls I get to love and be loved by every day? *sigh* :)

A picture of my sweet boys....

(taken with my point and shoot, on the balcony of our hotel room at Great Wolf Lodge a few weeks ago! :))

Graham Cook: The Nature of God, Part 1

2010-09-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

(part 2 should show up in the links on the right. Its even better than part 1!)

its worth the 20 minutes!

Back to the hospital

2010-09-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

I was almost thinking Id start getting back to normal soon, for a day or two. Then I started bleeding again. An ultrasound showed that I have retained placenta. Its crazy that its been a month and I had no signs, no pain, no infection, etc. So Im going in tomorrow for a D&C. I dont want to go but we gave my body 5 days and its not letting go of very much.

A D&C is what I wanted to avoid from day 1. I nearly missed it in the ER that night I miscarried but that is ok. The Lord knows. I believe, deep down, that He always has my best in mind. and I trust Him. Its not always easy, its not always my first reaction but I trust Him.

to quote Graham Cooke - "He is consistent but He is unpredictable". A friend shared a clip from youtube and its been a blessing - helping me keep my mind focused on the Good and Kind nature of God and not my circumstances. I will post them after this.

good night blog, world & friends. Pray for me tomorrow! :)

Plans Change

2010-09-06T21:25:00.001-07:00

When I was in the hospital we had to cancel Abrams 2yr birthday party. That week, while I was recovering, was my birthday and our 10yr anniversary.

We were supposed to go tonight to a fondue restaurant and have a romantic night out. Except my body decided to ovulate - and painfully. Id never felt ovulation until my cycles returned after my last child. Today is the most painful its been. Tension is high over here anyways and so we just ended up staying in. Its disappointing but kind of fits with how things are right now.

Steve and I have been leading a life group at our church for awhile. We decided to step down this week. We just have nothing to give right now. Everyone is totally understanding and supportive and on our team. I love the way people love at our church, so readily and without judgement. Like Jesus does. So we are going to focus on our marriage and our kids and getting back on track with life. I know we will come out stronger on the other side. Its hard to walk through these times, I just hate it all some days, but "this too (really) shall pass"

My mom flys home tomorrow. Well actually she's flying to my sisters house. My sister is very pregnant with my second niece, due in about a month. Im supposed to fly out for her labor/delivery to be her doula and photograph ... praying it all works out. That will have to be a God thing!

Even on the hardest, darkest days there is hope. Even right now when God feels far, I know my feelings arent reality. He reaches out, gives me glimpses of light ... and I am so thankful

Life

2010-09-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

I came back to you, oh deserted blog, to whine. Then I remembered that I started a thankfulness series and only posted once. That just makes me want to cry more.

Hormones are rough. If you are female, you are nodding your head. Its really hard to have crazy post partum hormones when you dont have a baby to smile at, nurse and cuddle. Im thankful I have 4 beautiful blessings though, its hard to feel sorry for myself when I know how blessed I am to have them. Especially little Abram. Oh that boy is SO two and SO crazy right now with his molars coming in. But he can make me smile and remind why we do this everyday.

Its been a weepy day. Everything feels huge and overwhelming. I hate that feeling. I feel like Im slipping down a mountain side that Ive been grasping on to with all my might for too long. Im too tired to do it anymore\. Im just behind in every area (spiritually, house, kids, school) and cant keep up with life right now. (you should see my house - complete wreck)

I have good days, days of hope and energy, etc. But these weepy days, though few, are so hard. Praying for some things to change soon - in my outlook, in my disciplines, etc. Ill share more when they do actually change, right now it would just be too vulnerable and depressing to share.

So Ill end with thankfulness .... Im thankful for how the Lord has provided for us. My sweet friends brought meals for 2 weeks (thank you!!!). then my mom came to visit and bought us a ton of food. After months and months of a lean pantry and refrigerator its been nice to not have to worry about that. Kids are so much happier when there is plenty of food and snacks too, and that makes my job easier. Because we've saved money from not buying as many groceries, we have had enough for some expenses that have come up. He is so good. He feels far away because Im trapped in my emotions but I know He is there. Im thankful for healthcare too. As much as Im fearing those hospital bills that will begin arriving any day now, Im thankful there as medical care to be had and that Im still here to blog about it.

more soon. maybe. hopefully with better news.

Illuminate Worshop

2010-08-31T13:27:00.002-07:00

I want to go to the Il-lu-mi-nate Workshop!

http://www.amyrosekingphotography.com/?page_id=2420

(This is one of my very favorite photographers and has been since the beginning. I love her work!)

Illuminate Worshop

2010-08-31T13:27:00.000-07:00

I want to go to the Il-lu-mi-nate Workshop!

http://www.amyrosekingphotography.com/?page_id=2420

(This is one of my very favorite photographers and has been since the beginning. I love her work!)

Whooping Cough - part 2

2010-08-03T12:33:00.001-07:00

Please read Part 1 (below) if you havent already.

Abram first began coughing at night around the middle of May. It didnt sound good but he wasnt waking up. He began gagging at the end of the cough and it was loud and hard enough for me to run to his bed - but he still wasnt waking up. I figured it was allergies and tried to remind myself that Ive always heard that its not an issue if they arent even waking. I took him to see our family Dr. and he too thought it was allergies. For three days we used allergy medicine and nasal spray but nothing changed. The cough continued to worsen and my mommy instincts got more and more uneasy.

The first stage of whooping cough is 1-2 weeks long. It usually involves cold symptoms, sometimes a low grade fever and a dry cough. At the end of this phase Abrams cough suddenly turned. It was more and more violent and he began to wake up from the "attacks" at night. He also began coughing during the day, especially after eating.

Friday night of a holiday weekend I sent an email to our Drs. Something was not right with my baby. He would cough and cough and cough until his face was bright red and this sticky saliva came from his mouth. It was horrible to watch :( I already strongly suspected Whooping Cough at this time. During my vaccine research I had listend to an audio file of whooping cough. I found some additional video on Youtube. Although he didnt have the characteristic "whoop" he had all the other symptoms. I sent a video to our Drs as well - it was impossible to believe how bad it was without seeing it for yourself. You can watch the video HERE but please be warned its hard to watch :(

The first attack of the night was always the worst. Id have to hold/watch him while he was sleeping because he'd just sit straight up, mouth wide open, trying to get a breath. It was horrifying. We'd just pray, "Breathe in the name of Jesus!". He'd eventually draw a deep breath and start a coughing attack. It got the point that I feared he'd stop breathing, pass out or even die. I had a nurse friend remind me of CPR techniques over the phone. I dreaded bedtime all day long. Oddly, with whooping cough, they are perfectly fine between attacks. He'd play normally, no fever or even a runny nose. Then out of nowhere an attack would hit again.

We took him in and they did a nasal swab for pertussis and an xray. The xray showed he had bilateral pneumonia (both sides). Our Drs believed that was the cause of the cough and bronchial spasms but I just knew in my heart it was a result of the whooping cough. We started that day with 4 days of big antibiotic shots in his bum. Two days later the test results came back - positive for pertussis.

The rest of us had already begun antibiotics. If you take antibiotics in the first stage of pertussis you can stop the disease from progressing and you also are no longer contagious after 5 days. Abram began on this after the test results came back. It was VERY hard to get it down him though. I literally had to sit on him and he still only swallowed maybe half (on a good day). The antibiotics cant help you once you are to the second stage Abram was in but at least he could be less or non contagious.

After the 4 days of shots Abram began a third antibiotic to continue to treat the pneumonia. The very worst of his night attacks were probably 3-5 days but his second stage lasted much, much longer than that. Even now, 2 months later, he still has occasional bad attacks.

The times he'd stop breathing were due to the pneumonia though and those stopped once the antibiotics did their thing. They call pertussis the 100 day cough and now I know why. We are on day 70-something I think and like I said, he's still coughing.

I could never express the anxiety and fear I faced at the worst of it. I doubted every decision Ive ever made as a mother. I was lacking faith, afraid my child would die in my arms. But our community of friends and believers came around us with love and acceptance. No one judged us, they brought us meals and prayed for us and I was soooooo blessed by that.

Whooping cough damages their lungs. That means for months and even years any cough can bring back the "whooping cough like" cough. For instance the other day he was drinking a small amount of water and it went down wrong and he had a full-on attack, red-faced, etc. Thats why we have to be extra careful with him catching even a simple cold. We've kept him away from kids, church, etc. for over 2 months now. We are slowly starting to go out and be around people again :)

Whooping Cough - Part 1

2010-08-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

I wasnt comfortable sharing for quite awhile but now that the hard part is behind us, and our friends affected are also ok, Im ready to share.

Noah was fully vaxed until 6 months. I remember the sheet they handed me at 2 months. Never had it even crossed my mind that there could be any danger in vaccinating my baby. I began studying and reading everything I could find on vaccines. I read the anti-vaccine fear-mongering sites as well as all the info on the CDC's site. I ended up finding the best, most non-biased info in the vaccine package inserts. I read every.single.one for each vaccine that was on the schedule at that time. I poured over all the ingredients, numbers and charts - the rate of reactions (compared to what the CDC claimed they were, and they didnt always match), the efficiancy, etc. I learned a ton and most of all we prayed that the Lord would show us what was best for OUR children.

with Caleb we delayed any vaccines until after he was 6 months old, the time when their liver is strong enough to remove toxins. We did one at a time, only vaxed when they were totally and completely healthy and spaced them out so their bodies would have time to build an immunity to that disease. We continued to research and pray and when Caleb was a litle over a year we stopped vaxing completely. Caleb has the most immune system issues of any of our children as well as neurological delays (asthma, excema, etc.) - I am VERY thankful we only gave him a few vaccines. I believe that protecting Caleb is the reason the Lord took us down that road.

As horrible as Whooping cough is (and it is horrible!) I do not regret that decision. I still believe (for many, many reaons) that that was the best decision for our children at the time. Since then Ive always prayed that the Lord would show us if any of our children needed a vax at any time. Honestly it probably would have taken something like this to change my mind, so we are open more than ever to what God wants for OUR children. (can I emphasize that enough?)

The pertussis/whooping cough vaccine is the least effective. This is just a fact. Also pertussis outbreaks occur every 4 to 5 years regardless of vaccine rates in the area. We are in one of those outbreaks now in the area. Even with a 3 dose series the effetiveness of the vaccines can be very low - each body is different. Typically its 70-80% (whereas other vaccines such as Tetanus is well over 90% after just one dose) but Ive read it can be as low as 30%. The vaccine also wanes in 3-5 years. This is why very often vaccinated children also contract whooping cough during an outbreak. I do not believe that if Abram was fully vaccinated anyone could say for sure that he would not have contracted it anyways. Its extremely contagious and very often teens and adults have no idea they have it and spread it to younger, more vulnerable infants and children.

At first I was scared of the backlash we'd get as non-vaccinating parents. But I now refuse to be judged by others - especially people who vaccinate without having done any research themselves. It is NOT a black and white issue. Its like when people say "the Bible is made up, its changed so much over the years". Not only is that completely not true on a very factual level but it also is very arrogant and ignores all the very, very intelligent men and women who have sought truth and found the Bible to be true (C.S. Lewis for one!) All I know is we've done all we can to make the best possible choices for OUR kids :) It was not a negligent decision.

Part 2 coming next ..... the disease itself and what it was like.

Thankfulness - Day 1

2010-06-28T06:19:00.001-07:00

Im going to try and do some regular Thankfulness posts. I am more and more of a "glass is half empty" person as I get older and I dont want to be that way! As crazy as life is, I have so much to be thankful for.

Day 1: Thankful that Abram is potty trained!!!!!

With all we've been through in the last month (Abram caught Whooping Cough and bilateral/double pneumonia as a result. it was horrible) I never could have imagined that such a wonderful silver lining would come out of it!

he has shown many signs of readiness for months and I figured if we were going to be stuck home, we might as well go for it! (We have to keep him from getting sick from other kids for several months. Even a small cold can bring the cough back.He still coughs periodically anyways and its still bad. We will do anything to protect him right now!)

It was pretty easy! We used some tips from the "3 day" method that a friend shared - straight to underwear, no pull ups, letting him start going or tell me he has to go, not regularly taking him (so they learn the feeling of needing to go), etc. He has been dry at his nap for days and yesterday was accident free on Day 6. Im sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy and THANKFUL :) :) :)

(here he is recently. He got stung by a bee about 1/2hr before this shot. He was still very traumatized :) Look at those eyes!)

Confessions - part 2

2010-06-05T12:30:00.001-07:00

The longer you are a mommy (and especially the more children you have) the more you learn to "never say never". So many times I have judged other moms only to find myself in the same situation doing the same thing. You know when you are a new mom and you think, "Ill never bribe my kids" or "why is she letting her kids act like that at the store?!" (ahahaha just typing them makes me laugh!!!) Humility. choose humility.

I still cant imagine taking my kids to walmart at 10pm and giving them all Ring Pops to keep them quiet but hey, "never say never" ;)

I confess, whenever someone would say they couldnt get their child to take medicine I'd always think, "You are the parent, they are the child. You sit on them, you get it in however you can, you do what you have to do. Man up!" Well ..... leave it to my 4th child to throw me for yet another loop and teach me yet another lesson.

This child is TOUGH. I lay him down, I wedge his head between my legs, I hold his arms down, I get the syringe in the back of his mouth .... but no matter what I do, he can find a way to spit it out. Blowing in his face doesn't make him swallow (that always worked before!), N.O.T.H.I.N.G. WORKS. Slowly but surely, I get in what I can. Its torture for both of us :(

Thank you Abram, for the lesson in humility.

See y'all in Walmart at 10pm in the candy isle.

A beautiful VBAC

2010-05-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

I had the amazing honor of attending my good friend's birth a few weeks ago. I was with her as her doula in her first birth which unfortunately ended with a csection. This time we all chose to step out in faith in prayer and ask God to do big things ... and He did! She had a beautiful, intense, unmedicated VBAC with the midwifes at downtown Harris. It was an amazing experience. Even though I went as her doula I was able to pick up my camera now and then....

Here are a few of my favorites from our 10 hours together ....

(here I am in action :))

Boston!

2010-04-20T07:54:00.001-07:00

I cant believe it but we only have 4 classes left in Core before we graduate!!! What a year it has been, it has flown by!

At the end of Core the entire class goes on a missions trip to Boston, MA. They went there last year and God did amazing things. The Boston culture, from what Im told, is very different than anything we are used to in TX or CA. The walls people have up are very high and its a very spiritually dead place. Churches are dying. Many people there have never heard that Jesus loves them and died for them. While here most people claim to be christians but dont walk with God, there it is a foreign concept. So while its an intimidating place, there is a need and we are excited to go and see what God does.

The second step after this discipleship school is called Launch which is a church planting school. We plan to attend that in Fall of 2011. At the end of that 9 months the entire class goes on an international missions trip. So Core is the starting place and Boston is our "local" trip. The Lord has put Thailand on our hearts and we feel that may be what all of this preparation is for! (more on that later!)

While our church loves to see people go to other countries they still emphasize loving people right where we are, sharing Jesus with our neighbors and the people we see each day. Thats something we've been learning about and working on in Core. Its been super challenging but so good!!

I am going for half of the trip, Sun to Wed. Carmen (God bless her) will have our 4 children. Steve will go for the full 8 days. We are raising support to cover the trip, the cost for us is $1950. So far we've raised $50 LOL! But God is faithful!

We will also be sending our prayer emails. If you'd like to pray for us or contribute financially please let us know. We sent out support letters to most of our usual Christmas card list but some of you I didnt have your addresses and I also never want anyone to feel pressured. The money I know God will provide - all will be a success through prayer. So we are so thankful when people commit to pray! Especially for the kids - we want them to have a great time with "Aunt Carmen" :)

If anyone wants me to email them the official support letter just let me know!

Thanks :)

Today is a new day!

2010-04-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you Jesus for the grace you purchased for us on the cross! I dont know how people live without hope. So many do. Ive been in dark places of depression and the light of the cross has led me out. When you know the Lord you know that even on your darkest day, you arent alone, that there is hope, that He gives good gifts to His children. If anyone reading this doesnt walk with God and know Him personally - you are missing out! You are missing out on who you are created to be - there is a part of you that will never be fulfilled without Him! Its not religion (yuck), its not obligation, its not a crutch or about control - its about love. and freedom. and healing. Oh he is so good!!!!

One of my favorites ...

Like mother like daughter .... a fun favor from a bday part we went to today .... (both parents are professional photographers too!)

Confessions....

2010-04-14T18:24:00.000-07:00

Confessions of a Premenstrual Mommy

- I am trying to escape from the constant whining for food, arguing and fighting through facebook, editing pictures, email, reading and learning how to use my Knifty Knitter

- We have done very little sit-down school in the last week. Im too irritated to sit that long and try to keep everyone on task. Im pretty much letting them go play and do what they want ... as long as they arent too loud and dont make a mess (that a joke in case you dont have kids!).

- I had two bowls of ice cream last night, with sprinkles, in attempts to further medicate my cramps, back pain, nausea and fowl mood. It helped a little.

- Yesterday I told Noah I was sending him to to the first school that would take him. Just keepin' it real. Im not exactly sure how his behavior would feel on a normal non-hormones-are-from-hell week but its over the top for me this week. Great kid, just learning some big lessons.

- I made homemade pizza tonight. My kids havent had veggies in days.....

- I wasnt exactly nice to my husband this morning. you know when he drove me 30+ mins away to pick up a new (to us) double stroller. That man has some special grace to be married to me.

- Im going to ignore the dishes and the mess on the table and go play with my knifty knitter.

His grace is enough. Praying for mercy.

The end.

April

2010-04-09T18:27:00.000-07:00

I cant believe its April already! How does that happen?! :)

We've had a good week. The Lord is continuing to build joy in my heart with my role as mother and homeschooler. Ive never wanted to do anything else buy I was living in weariness.

Thursday we spent 4 great hours at a friends house so who lives more on the country side of town. Another friend joined us and there were 3 older boys, three 3yr old girls and our 3 one year olds. They all just played their little hearts out. Sweet Abram was so past tired that he didnt even fall asleep in the car, even though it was almost 2hrs past naptime! Sadly as we all got out of the car he tried to close the door to the suburban on his own and got his thumb :( Its swollen and purple still - even chubbier than usual :) He'll be fine though!

They have a zip line!!!

As of last night I am night-weaning him. He is 20 months old tomorrow. We are going to try and keep the before-nap and before-bed feeling only for another month or so and then wean completely. We'll see how it goes! He wasnt too happy from about 2:15 to 3:30am this morning :) But sometimes we have to put in the extra hard work as moms to get where we are going. And where I am going is sleeping the WHOLE night without getting up! :)

Chopped my hair off the other day - myself. It was just ok in the front but very scary in the back. it was just too short to do myself. so today my neighbor came and saved the day and fixed it all up. I LOVE it now! Im waiting for my prince to come home and see it. He loves short hair and Ive gone short before, but never this short. I hope he likes it :)

Waiting on another birth .... please pray for my friend. Her name is Amanda and she is trying for a VBAC with her second. She is due tomorrow! Im going as her doula but also hope to get a few shots, especially since she is professional photographer and loves pictures. Im keeping my phone with me 24-7. This is the nerve wracking part but I just love it, its all worth it. Please pray for her that God would grant the birth of her dreams! :)

Got an inside scoop to where some bluebonnets are blooming nearby so a friend of mine is going with me and we are taking our girlies for a photoshoot. Im so excited! Bluebell pictures are like mandatory for texan mommies but Ive yet to get out there in time. Plus boys arent as fun to take pictures of sitting in a big field of flowers. I can just hear them going on and on :)

Noah and I took tons of pictures to get this shot. It was really important to him :)

Praying about teaching some childbirth classes during this season. If you or anyone you know would be interested please let me know! The first course (prob 6 classes) would be at a very affordable price, to cover snacks, photocopies, etc. My goal would not just to be to get women to have a drug-free birth but so much more than that. My heart is to encourage women to be in awe of how God made their bodies to give birth, to let go of the culture of fear in the US and to make their birth a special spiritual experience between them and the Lord. It will be practical information, breathing and a lot of encouragement!!!

2010-04-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

My baby. sigh. so sweet. look at those lashes! (these pajamas are hand-me-downs from my little brother Jake. that cracks me up. love it :) they are great though. They are hannah anderson and nothing compares to their cotton. its soooo soft)

No one seems to be nearly as excited as I am about this, but Abram has started to sing! He isnt singing a particular song like the ABCs but just singing to himself when he's playing or when we are driving. This is a big speech milestone and it makes me so incredibly thankful to hear. I dont remember Jayna or Caleb every doing that, and certainly not at that age. I need to catch it on video - going to work on that. Im always singing so its sweet to have him singing with me!

Have you heard of Zumba? Its a dance/fitness class based on latin dance likes salsa dancing, etc. I'd heard a lot about it and got to check it out for the first time today. It was fun! If you havent seen it check out this clip from The Today Show LINK

It was challenging on a coordination level especially. Its as challenging physically as you want to make it which is nice. there was this sweet older lady behind me. She seriously impressed me soooooo much. I wonder if she was a dance when she was younger because she really kept up and it was FAST! She seemed like the sweetest thing and it was awesome seeing her "cha cha"! :) I somehow ended up in the front row, right next to the teacher - which was humbling. Im sure I was hilarious to watch too. Maybe someone's blogging tonight about the white girl with the dorky looking capris on :)

Here's a shot from the park near our house. I was trying to get the sun in the shot and I love the way it came out. Abram learned how to climb up on his own that day and go down the slide. He has no caution at the top though and makes me soooo nervous when he goes from standing to sitting. No fear!

Can you see my budding photographer below? He's the one standing on my wrinkles?! :) (its Caleb) The kids love to hold my big camera and take pictures of me and other things. This was one afternoon when we were out front playing ...

And for the record, I just bought my first wrinkle cream (this one if you are interested- organic but not expensive. I researched to find a good a natural one - if im going to put in on my face every day, so close to my brain, Id prefer it not be full of things that cause cancer :))

(I used to make fun of my mom for wearing big glasses like that by the way. funny how things come around!)

Im forcing myself to go to bed night now. Night! :)

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The gym

2010-03-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

You may have heard me say how much I hate gyms. I really do hate them.

I used to work out all the time in high school - weights, cardio and step classes. Steve and I worked out a lot when we were first married too. But I hate gyms - everyone sizing everyone else up, sweat, stinky perverted men, the competitiveness, being inside instead of out, etc. Its suffocating.

But this is a new season! I checked out a ladies-only gym nearby with a friend and decided to join. They had a great anniversary special thats super cheap ($31/mo) and since there are no perverted or sweaty men there I was sold. They also have a way better class special than 24hr fitness which is what I wanted.

So I love going to classes and I usually go in the morning. It feels GREAT to move my body and push myself - its been way too long. Although standing next to a crib and "shhhhhing" for an eternity or cleaning up food off the floor for the 100th time has its challenges, I was longing to really move my body and get my heart rate up. During the day there is an interesting bunch. Often I am one of the youngest in the class and those old ladies can work it!

The Lord is showing me how very competitive and prideful I am. Even though its been a year since I did intense cardio I still push myself super hard. Im thinking the whole time, "I cant stop if these old ladies arent stopping!". If there is an extra arm thing to do, I do it. If you can add a hop, I do it .... for awhile.....

Today I pushed hard in an hour-long cardio class and got super dizzy and nearly passed out. And yes I had breakfast, Im just weak right now!!!! its horrible. Its funny looking back. I paused a little but kept pushing through.

Ok. so the lady in front of me on Wednesdays is funny. She has NO rythym. She is always a step or two ahead. I would drive myself crazy if I was like that, I seriously dont think I could keep going always being off like that. But then again maybe she doesnt know?

There is a lady that is always behind me who must be in her 70s? She is super peppy and never seems tired. That annoying. But in her peppiness she is super friendly so Ill forgive her. Oh and then there is this tiny little thing. She's asian and man she is INTENSE. She does class after class in a row and is over the top the whole time. I think she's on crack. (fine, not really, but you know what I mean!)

So I'm enjoying the time out alone, the people watching, the working hard, all of it. Just another blessing in this season of life!

My mom's friend told her today that I'm pregnant with a boy. If that's true, hold me accountable to keep working out. When I feel like Ill throw up any second, all day long, I tend to stay home and eat saltines and drink ginger ale and feel sorry for myself :)

Joy

2010-03-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I don't post as much in this season is because so many things going on are just too big to put into words. The Lord is really stretching and challenging us through Core, through community, etc. He is just answering prayer and healing and teaching and filling us up after such a long, dry season!

If you know Him you know how He can suddenly highlight a part of your life that you thought was fine. Or maybe you knew it wasn't fine but you just hadn't dealt with it yet. That's how I feel about our marriage. We believe in keeping our marriage first but in reality, with 4 kids in 7 years, it was pushed the back burner way too often. But this is the year for us ....year 10 actually, our 10th anniversary is in August. God is showing us things to work on but there is SO. MUCH. GRACE. Thank God. If you are married you know that the issues are big and deep and grace is required! We are closer than ever. I love that man so much.

One prayer Ive had for many months now is for joy. I realized that I was so weary in being mommy and homeschooling. I was treating the kids like they were bothering me with all the "really important"things I need to do (email, clean, etc). I dont want to live like that. So Ive been praying and He's been answering!

As I nursed my sweet Abram to sleep for the night and prayed for discernment in when to wean him, my heart just swelled with joy. I am so blessed and so thankful to get to do this. And my heart is overwhelmed with excitement with my passion for childbirth and how its playing out with photography and being a doula. I LOVE doing that stuff so much, it goes right to my soul and just blesses me like crazy.

So Im thankful. and joyful. The kids still frustrate me some days of course but I'm making more eye contact, reading more books, and giving more hugs and kisses and encouraging words. Its all because of grace. Only God could have done that in my heart. He is so amazingly good!!!! If you dont know Jesus - you need to. You really do. Its not just for some people, its for everyone. Without Him there is a part of your soul that is dead and you cant imagine life when its revived. Its AMAZING! Its not religion, its not heavy - its light and good and life-giving! Its Jesus!

:)

Check out my sweet Jayna just a year ago.....her hair was so short and curly. Oh she was so precious.

and Abram just a year ago .... its amazing what a year can do. He was 7 months here and is about to turn 20 months old.

Post #505

2010-03-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

That's a lot of posts! :)

Went to a homeschool seminar today by Carole Joy Seid. If you judged by her website you'd expect a 65 year old woman in a prairie dress but let me tell you, that is NOT what you get. It was worth every penny of the $55 (and that is a lot of money to me!) She is firey and bold and even un-PC at times. I loved her to pieces (haha! wonder why!). Most importantly she has a passion for raising up a faithful, intelligent generation for Jesus. I cant wait to go and hear her speak again. She may be back in Jan or so of 2011 and I'll post about if she is! Ill be sharing more as I process it.

Here are some pictures of the kids. The best shots I get of them are always from the impromptu photo sessions and I was thrilled with these. (if you are viewing in Firefox the color may be wonky if they color correction is turned on. this is super annoying) Im playing around with a new watermark so that's why that is there :)

I have to share that I am very thankful for this current season. Even though Im still nursing Abram a little bit I really and trying to breathe in deep and appreciate the freedom I currently have. This week I was gone for 12hrs for a birth and all day today for that conference. I am so thankful for a super supportive (awesome) husband who supports me doing these things and stays here with the kids. He took them to the park, wrestled with them and fed them dinner (he has come a long way people!) He even unloaded and loaded the dishwasher for me today as a special request because we have Life Group here tomorrow (he already does most of the laundry).

Anyways I adore my children and I hope for more but I also am so excited about the passions the Lord has given me for natural/God-led childbirth and encouraging women in that. Watching Carole with the microphone today, speaking in passion and with "godly discontentment" for the way some things are going I hoped to dream that Id someday do the same. Maybe not with a microphone or a room full of people (although that would rock!) but Id love to start here in my home with pregnant moms, vbacs, etc. Its a dream of mine being realized and Im excited!

I feel like Im getting a break right now and getting to indulge in these things. I also dare not forget the simple things that are so easy like getting on the floor and playing with the kids, physically keeping up with them, sleeping like a rock, etc....all things that are not so easy for me when pregnant. I so look forward to the blessing of another life inside of me (and was disappointed when I wasnt pregnant last month like I thought I was) but Im so thankful for this season at the same time! He knows what we need! :)

blessings. May you know Jesus more!

I blame it on sleep deprivation

2010-03-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

Since we moved Abram's crib to Noahs room about a month ago, I havent slept much. Im still up with him several times a night. It's better than it was (thank you God!) but just to say that Im very tired and get a little nutty some days.

So the other day I bought some jalepenos. I think that was the first time Id ever purchased jalepenos? They were $0.35 for a whole pack at Aldi so I had to.

So I told Noah Id give him $10 if he bit off the end, chewed it and swallowed it. Unfortunately for the budget - he did!!!!! Caleb tried but once his teeth pierced the skin he was out. He is not Mr Adventurous. I gave him $1 for his efforts. Then Jayna was whining about not getting money so I told her what Noah did and offered her the same chance and SHE DID IT TOO. Haha! It was hilarious. This is how I entertain myself. I let her spit hers out though. None of them had sick tummies and they all had fun spending their money at Target.

Jayna got a Hello Kitty bank you paint yourself. Wouldnt this post be better if there were a picture of it?

Yeah. I agree.

But Im too tired.

Random updates

2010-03-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

I was planning to do something fun and exciting for my 500th post ... except that was 3 posts ago. That's kind of how my life (and brain) are these days - a few steps behind my best intentions :)

Randomness:

- the other day Abram earned the title "first Loth child to climb out of his crib". except he more like fell out. My mom is always talking about getting foam from Joanns to replace his mattress and make it shorter. Great idea except for 2 things - its toxic and even with a coupon it would be $50-60 for the thinner stuff! Um - no. So I went to the garage to do some creative thinking. Fortunately my husband ignored my nagging about breaking down the 100 boxes in the garage and there was a perfect fit with the box from Jaynas dollhouse Nana got her for Christmas. Two small trims and it covers the spring/wire thing perfectly. Then I covered it with some folded blankets, tucked the fitted pink sheet around it and voila! New, safe bed. Its actually seems comfortable because the wiring below gives a bit when he lays in there?

- speaking of sheets. Abrams sleeping on a pink one and i just put a clean sheet on Jayna's that has cars and trucks on it. at least Abrams finally in a manly car seat and no longer using Jayna's that's yellow with pink flowers :) Poor 4th child. sleeping on cardboard and pink sheets!

- Here is a preview of some pictures I will soon edit (Im so behind!). The new "MOLA" - Museum of Living Art opened up at the Ft Worth zoo and we had a great time exploring it with Carmen and Hudson. This is them petting a baby tortoise infront of the "nursery" :)

- God answered prayers for a homeschooling conflict. Im all about reading, writing and math. But my demanding children actually want to learn things about animals and other fun stuff like that (that's sarcasm people). So Ive been praying and I revisited a great book I already had from last year called The Animal Kingdom. We are really loving it. Today we learned all about birds - the different types of beaks and feet they have and why, how they are alike and different from mammals, etc. All three older kids learned together!

- speaking of homeschooling. When we have great homeschooling days the house looks horrible. I did vacuum today......around stuff.

- It was in the 70s today and GORGEOUS. We went outside and the kids rode scooters, played with the dogs (we brought them out on leashes to visit since our backyard is still swamp-like from all the rain), explored, etc. But its going to rain and maybe even snow tomorrow. Texas is so weird like that. But we like it.

- I have a photo shoot on Sunday! Yay! Its been awhile and my camera is getting rusty. Its a family from church - 14 people total (no, not two parents and a ton of children haha!). Im excited for the challenge but I always get nervous too. I'm also waiting on a friend to have her baby. I will have the HONOR and privilege of photographing her VBAC at home. She is 2 weeks past her due today - that is so patience people. I talked her into acupuncture today and it went great so I expect a call tonight or tomorrow night!

- am I the only person without an iphone? I never cared until I saw what great pictures they can take. But seeing how I destroy phones within a few months, I should probably never have an iphone. That and I'm online enough already. they are super cool though.

Ill end with another video from the other day. The kids crack me up!!!!

"Say Bellybutton"

*video removed because youtube is disgusting. will put it back when i figure out how to keep other peoples videos from scrolling at the bottom :(*

Abram Talking

2010-03-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

The quality is greatly dimished uploading them through Picasa but I think you can still see them ok? Here is a video of Abram talking and then Jayna singing the "bumble bee song" :)

Playing around tonight.....

2010-03-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

March

2010-03-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

I cant seem to find the time and motivation to blog as often as I'd like to. That's ok right now. Im always working on prioritizing my time! Just keeping up with the kids, homeschooling and keeping the house up takes most of my time and energy. But its so good, so rich! Motherhood is sacrificial - never easy, but always beautiful and always worth it!

Everyone here is doing great. God is moving and answering prayer and teaching us so much. Abram is doing GREAT with his speech - that is a huge answered prayer and a huge blessing. The other kids are doing well too. We are enjoying some warm spring days here in TX after a long, hard winter (for us!) Still plugging along in school, spending lots of days at the museum, the zoo and park. We love it!

Here are a million snapshots from recent days. i want them down in my memory - spectacular moments from "ordinary" days!

(after I wrote this the stomach flu hit our house. it affected us all differently. thankfully i think we are all on the mend!)

Thursday morning playdates at the park with 3 other homeschool moms - actually met one of them selling her something through craigslist!

Out on a walk. It was cute to see all 3 older kids riding their scooters :)

(Steve borrowed Jaynas glasses - obviously! Dont tell him about this one haha!)

Playing outside one day - enjoying the coming of Spring!

(Abram signing "hear" - telling me he heard a car)

Noahs got his "game face" on while he shows me the tricks he can do on his scooter

Abram climbed up here the other day. When he gets scared he just lays there and waits which is what he is doing here. Cracks me up! (and of course I was like "watch your brother, Im going to grab my camera!!!)

Thats all folks!

I hope to blog more often but life is busy. So good and full, but busy. Im really thankful for where we are right now - trying to savor every moment and thank the Lord for it as well!

February 2010

2010-02-12T21:53:00.000-08:00

I cant believe its been over 20 days since I've blogged. So much has happened, way too much to catch up on. So here are some random things that have happened that I want to get down on "paper" :)

- Found brocoli stuffed in the printer tonight. The culprit? Abram.....stinker. It continually amazes me how he finds original ways of causing trouble. Last week I bought locks for the oven because he kept opening them and trying to crawl in the bottom one. Scary!!! So now I can cook in peace. Im sure the day will come when he figures them out but for now, they are making my life much easier!

- I posed this on facebook so its kind of old news but I never want to forget. I heard Noah say to Caleb, very firmly and authoritatively: "Caleb, you have two choices: Stop being annoying or LEAVE. ME. ALONE". Hilarious. Still cracking up over that one.

- Had a great visit with my mom, sister and my niece Giana. Poor Giana. Abram picked on her constantly. He'd just walk buy and nonchalantly pull her hair or pinch her. Twice she got him back good though with a defensive bite, she even drew blood once! Then the poor thing got sick and she's STILL sick. I feel bad that JJ and Abram passed that on to her. But we still had a great visit, lots of laughing and tons of pictures. Hope to share some here soon.

- Yesterday marked 9.5 years of wedded bliss!!! I know its cheesey but I really do love him more than ever. Every told us it would be so hard to get married young and that you do the most changing between 18 and 25. I remember someone saying we'd either grow up together or grow up apart. Im so thankful its been together. We've been through a lot and by God's grace just grown closer and closer. He turns 31 on Tuesday! Old man! :)

- My new dryer is awesome. i love it. and im not strangely comforted by seeing the laundry exhaust pouring out the vent outside the window. I never realized that I didnt see it - it was just building up inside of there all this time. So, so thankful to the Lord for protecting us from fire!!

- We had record snowfall here in North TX yesterday. It was awesome. The deepest we measured was 7". The kids and I drove around the 'hood today checking out everyones snowmen. There were TONS of them. Some small, and some huge - over 6 feet tall. It was fun to see. We also saw a lot of trees slit and broken. Our neighbors tree that the boys love to climb is pretty messed up. We were praying for ours, thats for sure!

Our snowman contribution

I am in love with this picture. Look at that face!!!!

Jayna and Noah both tried it out but not Caleb.

All she wanted to do was eat it :)

Im going to cry buckets when he turns 8. Im so not ready.

Steve banging the snow off the power lines and the trees. The trees were so heavy they were leaning on them and it was worrying me. He did it because I asked him to - love him :)
'

I know this isnt a lot of snow for Minnesota but this is a LOT of snow for Texas :) Most snowy winter in 32 years!!!!

On the front porch, looking left.

Back porch looking right. (see the power lines at the top of the shot)

And since they never get any bloggy love.....

Heres Bella Boo. She's my favorite and she knows.

Chloe. Love her too but she's a mouthy one :) They live outside all the time. Bella was out laying in the snow like it was springtime out LOL and Chloe has spent the last 2 days in her bed :)

- need to get to bed. its cold and my throat hurts. but ill sleep better knowing ive done my blogging duty :)

Zoo today!

2010-01-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

My sister got here last Tues and she is staying for 2 weeks! Its really great having her here and getting to know my niece Giana. She told Sarah tonight that she loves "a-tee" - awwwwwh! She's precious.

We went to the zoo today with Carmen and her son Hudson. It was fun to take Sarah there for the first time and also be there for Hudson's first zoo trip. I took a ton of pictures. There are too many to share so here is the link to the gallery (this is my new site for sharing too. love it!)

Zoo Pictures

Tomorrow we are just resting and hanging out. My mom comes in at 5pm and then things will really get crazy - lots of people in the house and of course, lots of shopping :) (My mom's a shopper!)

I couldnt help it...I had to come back and share some favorites. Otherwise none of them will print when I print my blog. Here are a few ......

Word spread quickly that Abram was one to stay away from :) Giana wouldnt get near them. She'd put her stick down for them to eat but Abram just went for them every single time!

I realize this is a horrendous picture of my face. But check out the bird flying away! My sister took this shot and it cracks me up!

My Huddy Buddy

Giana is the oldest of the "babies" but she conked out first. Traveling and the time change has been hard on her. She tried so hard to stay awake and stay with us but she just couldnt fight it any longer :)

Jesus

2010-01-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

Nothing else compares to His love.

and now some random things I want to "write" down and remember.

- Abram is saying his first 3 syllable word: Bellybutton. He says it like "belly-buh-buh". It is so stinkin' cute!!!! sometimes he just repeats it, "bellybuhbuh, bellybuhbuh". Many of you know the trials we've gone through with Caleb and Jayng being speech-delayed. God did some miraculous things in them and has brought them a long way, but its still something we work on. I prayed from Abram's conception that he would talk easily and well from a young age (like Noah did) Its been such a joy to see the Lord graciously answering that prayer. Ill never speech for granted and I praise Him all the time when I hear Abram speak! Many times its just what the therapists call an "approximation" but I am more than happy with that! If he copies the initial sound and the number of syllables, Im a happy mama :)

- The other day i was doing some cleaning in the bathroom and I walked out to see the broom on the floor in the hall with spit up on it. Thats strange since Abrams pretty far past the spit up stage. So I called to the kids, "Hey, did Abram spit up!?!?!" Sweet Noah replied, totally calmly, "Oh he was choking on something, but I just shook him really hard" ......what!?!?!?!? He repeated it again, "he was coughing and choking so I just shook him hard". Um, ok, son ....thanks? That cracks me up. I dont think Abram was really choking on something, maybe he just coughed or whatever. Who knows. Strange. But funny :) Dont worry Abram pays Noah back, he's no wimp!

- today Jayna was playing with a Geoboard (make shapes with a rubberband on little pegs). I was preparing dinner (which I didnt cook - thank you Carmen!!!) and she came up and showed me a shape. She said, "mommy, what shape is this?" and I answered, "a square" and she said, "good job mommy" and smartly marched off. LOL!!! It was so cute :)

Today was a hard day. I had a headache, had a lot on my mind, and was just kind of lost and trying to make it through. But Im so thankful for my kids, for sweet friends that drop by dinner and cheer me up, for thoughtful emails from friends and family and the cake I had stashed in the freezer. There is a time and place for everything people :) Some days just need cake. every day needs Jesus though. community is a beautiful thing - God loves us through one another. beautiful. Im so thankful.

Loth Family Worship Band

2010-01-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

They came up with this all on their own and came out to give me a "show". It cracks me up! Noah's always been great at making up his own worship songs, what a blessing to see him also leading the other children. So sweet for mama's heart!

Rachel

Big Day for Jayna!

2010-01-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

Our sweet Jayna FINALLY hit 35 pounds and so today we turned her carseat around! Although the law is 1 year AND 20 pounds, children are safest rear-facing until they are 4 years old or 35lbs, whichever comes first. Most children are much younger than 3.5 yrs old when they hit 35lbs :) but Jayna didnt know anything else and never minded a bit! But she did have a great time being able to see out of my window today - it was strange to see her face when I looked back there! Im sure Abram will be turned around way before he is 3.

Just happened across a report from Dec 09 about the best booster seats available. Remember children should be in a 5pt harness as long as possible. Just because they are in the weight limits of a booster does not mean its a safe option. Noah and Caleb are both in Graco Nautilus which work for harnessing until 65lbs and then covert to a high-back booster. Noah is just about there but Ill keep him harnessed as long as possible. Being ready for a booster seat is about much more than size, its about maturity as well. They should only be in a low-back booster once they are over the weight limits for the high-back boosters because they are safer.

BEST BETS

GOOD BETS

Not Recommended

The reason many seats didnt make the cut is because the belt is not properly positioned on their shoulders and abdomens. Appropriate fit is crucial to safety! (Test Protocol)

Thankfully new laws mean many children will be in boosters longer - and that means many less children will die needlessly! This is good news!

*off my carseat soapbox* :) You know I just have to go there sometimes! If anyone every has a carseat question Im happy to help, just let me know :)

Where is your.....?

2010-01-08T16:34:00.000-08:00

I often ask Abram to show me his nose/ears/tongue, etc. while I change his diapers - as many moms do. It usually does the job of distracting him long enough that I can wrestle him down and get him changed. There are some things he has gotten right for a long time like his nose and eyes. But today he got every single one I asked! They were nose, eyes (blinked them...sooooo cute), ears, hair, bellybutton, toes, and tongue! Actually Im not sure he did "teeth" but oh was he cute sticking his tongue out to show me for "tongue"!

just wanted to jot that moment down in my memory here.....

and just a reminder if you have a blog you can get it compiled into a pdf file at www.blog2print.com Then send it over to kinkos or somewhere like that to have it printed! I found a coupon online last time and got a great deal at Kinkos. Right now I found AFF014 for 10% off. Its a wonderful thing to save!

Several weeks ago we went to the Christmas tree lighting at Cooks Childrens hospital downtown. My friend Carmen's husband works for there and so we wanted to go celebrate with them. It was AWESOME!!! They had hot chocolate, cider and cookies. There was a playground, Santa came riding in in a fire truck and then they had a huge, awesome fireworks show! It was a really great night. Of course Hudson and Abram werent big fans of how loud the fireworks were, and neither was Jayna, but they still had a ton of fun. (Hudson is 9wks younger than Abram. I was Carmen's doula. I'd drive home, nurse Abram, then rush back to the hospital! So they have been friends their "whole lives" :)) And now....pictures!

Fireworks were shot at f/2.0, ISO 1600

(can you tell I had fun photographing them?! :))

Abrams Sleep

2010-01-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

Well last night was night #8 and Im happy to report that Abram is sleeping through the night!!! Last night we got in late because of Core so he wasnt asleep until 10. Usually they get him to sleep at 8pm but we were in a new building for the first time and the kids wouldnt settle. So he slept 10 to 6! Im so happy with 8 hours without nursing! I nursed him at 6 and he didnt go back to sleep but usually he does. The night before he slept from 7:30 to 6 and then nursed and slept until 9! That was crazy, I was shocked! So its gone well and Im happy we did it. Really we only had about 3 bad nights where I had to comfort him a lot. I didnt pick him up, just gave him hugs in the crib or patted his back. And then a few nights he woke a lot and I comforted him with my voice "mommy's here, go to sleep", etc (his crib is right next to our bed). I think he did that once last night but I dont mind that. Im so proud of him! :)

I really dont believe its fair to leave babies to cry themselves to sleep. There have been times Ive needed to let Abram cry for a bit (10 mins or so) and then Ive gone in and comforted him, rubbed his back, etc. Im the one that chose to have him sleep with me and nurse at night for 17 months so it would be horribly unkind to just stick him in his bed and let him cry. Thats why I believe in being with them. Its what I learned from reading The Baby Whisperer 7 or so years ago and its been such a helpful too. I love being "attached" and letting things flow naturally but at some point there needs to be a change - when it no longer works best for you or baby. And it doesnt have to be cry it out or suffer. There are a lot of gentler ways inbetween.

I also totally believe in praying. Not just for it to "work" but for timing. Ive found that to be so helpful over the years. When I knew it was time to wean Jayna from the paci I was dreading it. For months I knew Id need to do it but I wasnt ready. So I just prayed. And then one day it seemed like time and we started telling her they were "all gone" and she was a big girl.....she NEVER cried. Seriously. It was a miracle LOL - and if you've weaned an older baby from the paci then you know I mean it! The Lord was kind to show me when she was ready and show me how to do it in a way that would work for her. And thats happened time and time again with different parenting situations. Pray and pray some more! :)

He is kind to be near us and help us, even in the "small" things - because they are HUGE when you are a mommy!

and because every post is better with a picture. Here is Jayna in the bath the other day. our tile is surrounded in yellow time. So there is a lot of yellow in this picture but I love the way it looks with her skin and hair. I love the way the light comes in the window and hits them when they are in the bath

f/1.8, 1/400, no flash, ISO 640

and in B&W

Night one - check!

2010-01-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

I finally went for it. Abram is will be 17 months in a week and in two weeks we'll be leaving him with my mom and sister for a night (World Mandate and a night away. woohoo!). The problem? He still sleeps in our bed at night and is still nursing several times at night as well (they go together of course). Ive loved every second sleeping with him but the time has come to keep him in his own bed all night. So Ive been praying for grace (and mercy! if you've heard him scream then you know why) and the right time to start. So the first night of the new year, we went for it.....

God was very gracious. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. His crib is right next to my bed. He usually sleeps in there at naptime and to start the night. So it wasnt like he was in a strange place. I nursed him at bedtime and once, when he woke at 11. Then he woke around 1am and for two hours I just gave him hugs when he needed it and laid in my bed saying "its ok, mommy's here. lay down", etc. He had some water from his sippy and after 2 hours of crying, eventually fell asleep. He slept until 7am! Thank you Lord!!!!

Im going to cut back nursing in the day too. He's a feign ;) I dont want to wean, just probably cut back to before nap, before bed and maybe one other feeding in the day. He is funny - he says "milk" and he'll start making the nursing sound (if you've nursed you know it well!) and will throw himself down sideways in my lap. He is very persistant. I want him to have all the good stuff in my milk but I also want to nip that in the bud before it gets worse and embarassing in public :)

Here are some pictures of my big boy! Praying it gets easier and easier each night.

(photographers - these were taken with my 50mm f/1.4 at f/2.5, 1/250 I bumped up the ISO to 1000 instead of bouncing my flash like Ive been doing lately. He hammed it up for me, it was fun! Most of these are right out of the camera, little or no processing)

This ones a little soft on his eyes but I had to show you what he does with his tongue. He does this all the time!

(check out those lashes!!!)

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T05:37:00.001-08:00

Last night I stayed up alone to watch the ball drop. I do it every year, its a tradition that cant be broken. I glanced up from editing pictures at 11:52 and jumped up to go turn the TV on, and what did I hear??? Abram. Screaming. It wasnt exactly how I planned ringing in the new year. But I DVR'd the ball drop and I'll watch it today with the kids.

We had a rough night and a rough start to today. He was up many times, Steve woke us up this morning, Jayna broke something special from her room .... you get the picture.

But I choose to not be discouraged by this start to 2010. The Lord was exceedingly good to us in the last 10 years. Steve and I sat down and made a list of all the good that came in just the last year. And it was long and beautiful. And looking back to the last 10 years.....we were married, had 4 children, moved to Texas, had a lot, had a little, and our love for one another and for the Lord and His Church grew more then I could have hoped for when we first started out 9.5 years ago. He writes beautiful stories and I know that 2010 and the next 9 years will be just as beautiful, and even more so!

I cant imagine living on this earth just for myself, or for it all to end with death. There is so much HOPE in living and knowing there is a loving Creator here with you. There is so much good on this earth, reflections of Him and who He is and His love for us. Yet there is so much evil and yet still more Hope in Him. There is more than this world has to offer - praise the Lord!

Here are some pictures from a recent newborn session.....
(she is 5 days in the first picture and 1 week in the rest)

Excited to see what the Lord will do in 2010! May He bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and may He give you grace. May He lift his countenance upon you and give you peace. In the name of Jesus, may it be so! :)

Back to the Blogging World

2009-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

Im baaaaaaack :) Trying to still keep away from facebook - it just takes too much time to get involved there. But I missed blogging! I have so much to share and catch up on.....and for the record....I know that more than my mom and my sister read this blog. I was kidding. I hate writing things like "to all my readers" or assuming someone will notice if I dont post - its weird that you people want to read what I write. haha! :) (kidding again....) But I do know I have some faithful readers and that is so super cool! I really love that. Love you! Thank you! :)

Now its picture time!

We had some REAL winter weather on Christmas Eve. Ive seen it snow but nothing like what happened that day. It was like blizzard weather - howling, sideways wind and snowing hard. (our dog Bella was hilarious trying to figure out the snow!) We had at least 3" of snow (thats a ton for TX!) and it stuck. We had a white Christmas! Here are some pictures from when it was just getting started.

Christmas morning......

Christmas Eve. Every year my sweet Aunt Cathy sends the kids handmade pajamas. They adore them - wear them constantly all year long. Especially Caleb, that boy loves him some flannel pajamas. So here they are after New Years Eve service, being silly

Jayna's presents Christmas morning. The bench is from us and the scooter is from Grandma. My mom got the vinyl letters that make their name several months ago so I went and got plexiglass to put them on. We'll hang them up soon!

Caleb and his TRex mountain. He talked about this so much, it was precious. We got an AWESOME deal on Craigslist - the mountain and a big box of the Imaginext dinosaurs for only $30. He was thrilled.....he still is

Steve helping Abram on his Zebra Bounce 'n Spin. He wasnt too sure but now he's hilarious on it, he goes nuts. Another great Craigslist find.....$20.

Noah opening some of the Imaginext dinosaurs that came with Caleb's set. We wrapped some for him so he could play too and he was really excited! We also got him his first big boy (i.e. TINY pieces) Lego set

Noah and Steve playing Mario Kart on Wii. Grandma got Noah that for Christmas. We all have fun playing it! Its a long way from Nintendo 64 ;)

I have more but thats enough for now. New post coming soon :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May you be richly blessed by the love of Christ in 2010!

Taking a Break.....

2009-12-11T21:49:00.000-08:00

Well the good news is that my Craigslist stalking has paid off. I think Ive finally found what Ive been looking for, for Jayna for Christmas. They dont sell them anymore and I saw it one day online and just fell in love ........ sooooo sweet. And it gives her a special place for all her girly toys :) Going to meet up with someone tomorrow to get it. He lives an hour away but I emailed to ask if he's ever in the area and he just "happens" to be nearly driving by my house tomorrow. so excited! Here's a picture:

Love me some indestructible Little Tikes! :)

So its a long story but Im going to be taking a little computer break until after Christmas. Noahs been asking for the computer a lot and Im telling him he doesnt to be on it every free second but not exactly --*ahem*-- modeling that to him. The computer is right here in the kitchen and its just too tempting for me. So Im sticking to just checking my email and anything photography-related that I need to do. No facebook, research, no blog-reading or blog-writing, etc. Im going to do my best to just keep it off all day until they go to bed. Feel free to keep me accountable! :) Ill be honest, it will be hard.

A speaker we had at Core recently said that we tend towards where we believe freedom is. What we do with our time and energy reflect what we really believe. I think I escape to the computer for mental breaks (really, can you blame me?! if you'd been a fly on the wall in my house today you wouldnt LOL) But I want to go to Jesus for that escape. I know the result will be more peace and less striving. I know freedom rests with Him. He is the only thing its truly healthy to be addicted to ;) But I go to my computer more than I do to Him. Its a useful tool but I need to step back a bit. Spend more time preparing for school and hanging with kids :) Looking forward to it actually.

Im also going off sugar and back to not eating after 8. Im feeling the physical effects (headaches, constipation - just keeping it real y'all) of eating it again and I dont like it at all. Its just not worth it! Im giving myself a few "passes" to use in the next 2 weeks for holiday events and treats and of course I plan to fully enjoy Christmas :) (and not get the stomach flu again - ugh, that was awful)

Steves parents come in the 20th. I just cant believe how quickly Christmas is coming! Thinking more each year about how we can keep it about Jesus. Check out this blog post my friend Anda directed me to. Love it. What Jesus Wants for Christmas One of my love languages is gifts, so I love giving gifts to the kids. I dont want to not get them something. But I want to make a bigger deal about what we can get Jesus for His birthday - that really blesses Him! I anticipate that this will get more and more exciting each year as they get older!

If you think of me ... please pray for wisdom about my photography. Please pray I can see clearly His will for the new year. Thanks!

Some pictures from our trip to Cabela's with my dad :)

ok. adios blog and my beloved blog readers (all 2 of you! you are the best mom and sister ever! hahaha :)). see you in a few weeks :)

Neglected blog

2009-12-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

Im sorry ive been neglecting you blog. I have too much to say and no energy or grace to articulate well. its not your fault. ill try to do better.

*sigh* Life is so good and rich but at the same time so exhausting and overwhelming. Im so very thankful for the season we are in right now - Abrams still nursing but he is older and more independent. As much as I love having a little baby, Im thankful for the freedom I have right now. Im thankful to have my body back for a short while and to wear some clothes I love and feel like myself. Im enjoying the kids and watching them play and having the honor of teaching them things like reading and counting. I know this is a sweet season that wont last forever, on so many levels....and soon we'll be on to a different, but also sweet season :)

once again its too late and Im still up. so off to bed I go! But I want to share more soon!

Mommy and JJ

2009-12-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

Today was Jayna's last day at her special PreK. She's been going on Thursday mornings to my good friend Ami's house and her 13yr old daughter has been running the PreK for 3 little girls. Its part of her homeschooling and training for motherhood - how cool is that?! She has done an amazing job teaching them manners, some dancing, some music, how to plant a garden, etc. Its been absolutely precious and a huge blessing for her to have her "girl time" :)

Today the little girls put on a tea party for their moms - fruit that they helped wash and cut, little sandwhiches, cookies and tea. Precious and more precious. Ami grabbed my camera and caught this shot and I am SO thankful. Im in love! I dont think ive ever had a picture with just Jayna and me. I want to blow it up on the wall. (and for the record - keeping it real - yes I took some wrinkles out under my eyes. haha!) :)

Secret to Great Homemade Bread

2009-12-01T16:23:00.000-08:00

So Ive been hearing/reading that some of my dear friends have tried their hand at bread making ...and some with some hard-like-a-brick results. So here are some tips that Ive learned from many, many bricks of my own :)

1) Dont add too much flour. Most, most important! This has changed my loaves of bread forever. I always thought you needed to add enough that it never stuck to the sides and wasnt sticky to touch. That is NOT true. My poor Bosch mixer used to mix so hard it would inch its way across the counter and Id have to keep moving it back. You'd think I would have wondered why - what a dork I am. Well the reason was that I was using way too much flour and it was too dry. I LOVE the recipe I posted from **HERE**. Its always right at 11-12 cups of flour (or 5.5-6 if you half the recipe). You want the dough to pull away from the sides but it will still be very sticky to touch. It will get better once the gluten develops (same if you are hand kneading) but you'll still need to keep the oil around to keep it from sticking everywhere. I oil my hands (light olive oil) before handling, oil my rolling pin, oil the counter, etc. That helps keep it most too - DO NOT use flour on the counter. I buy the big thing of light olive oil at costco and use it for cooking when i need liquid (vs. coconut oil which is hard when its cold)

2) Fresh yeast! This will not only make your bread better and lighter it will make your job so easy. I got the big pack of yeast from Costco for like $3 (such a good deal!) and my bread rises VERY quickly. The first rise is only 30-45 mins when its supposed to be 1.5hrs. Even in my freezing cold house today :) Keep it in the fridge or freezer to keep it fresh! I always proof it and make sure its good ... too many wasted loaves from bad yeast.

3) White Whole Wheat flour. King Arthur is the only brand I know of. Or if you have a mill you can buy Hard White berries and grind your own. Its so much lighter and better tasting than whole wheat.

I had so many bad experiences before. But this time its come out well every single time. I really think #1 is key for me this time - keeping it moist and sticky means a lighter, delicious bread!

Hope this helps :)

Saturday Nights

2009-11-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

For over two years I have spent every Saturday alone. Doesnt that sound sad? well its not, its wonderful :) so nice and quiet in here! Although I do wish my husband could stop working his second job and driving 40 minutes late at night, I do enjoy these serene evenings.

Tonight I went to a recipe exchange at a friends house. There were just 5 of us and it was really nice. The only problem is ... I ate way too much. My commitment for not eating sugar expired on the 17th. My plan is to enjoy the treats of the season in moderation, gain nothing back, and hop back on the wagon in January.

Right now Im remembering why I started the "eat no sugar and eat nothing after 8" thing. I feel horrible. bloated and yucky and sick. The food was fab though :) I just ate way too much! But I refuse to get down about it and go back to my old ways. I will take this as a reminder and remember what a blessing self-control is and how much better I feel when I eat healthy! It really is so worth it.

I made toffee - with chocolate and crushed candy canes. So delicious. I was happy to leave it there. I hope they eat it all!

*sigh* Life group is here tomorrow which I LOVE but I really am not a fan of working late Sat night getting everything cleaned. The kids and Steve helped a lot today so its mostly the dishes and some tidying. Im just extremely unmotivated.

ive been having photo sessions GALORE lately. I Love it so much. Had a great session this morning with a family of 5 - took over 400 pictures! Im anxious to get editing but I have some other session to finish up too. and those stinkin' dishes. Oh they are the thorn in my side!!!!

Hoping the sun peeks out tomorrow so I can go photography my friend Anda's baby. She is about 9 days old now? things keep coming up so we havent been able to plan a session yet. but Im dying to get my camera on her :)

enough blabbing. MUST. WASH. DISHES. (boooooo)

token picture. another one from my maternity session

Photography Ramblings

2009-11-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Just have to shout out to my blog that I am soooo excited! Last night we went to my friend Patrice's house and she and her husband took family pictures for us in the park by their house. They are professional photographers and lighting experts. Its neat to watch them work together :)

I got to know Patrice when I was her doula for the birth of her second child. it was a VERY fast delivery ... quite a bonding experience :) She did my maternity pictures when I was pregnant with Noah and in that time my love of photography was sparked. She's been a great encouragement and mentor to me all this time and Im very blessed that she was willing to get some pictures of us!

Ill probably be using one for our Christmas cards so those will be a secret ;) but Ill share some of the others when I get them! It was COLD (really cold!) and windy but we all stuck in there. We were ice cubes by the time we got back though :)

I shot my first maternity session last Friday and it was great! It was POURING by the time I got to the location but we didnt cancel...just prayed. And it ended up clearing almost the entire hour. It rained all the way home though. He is good! The lighting was great- perfectly even so it ended up being a great thing.

I am taking picture of a friends brand new baby tomorrow...excited about that!

Since every post is better with a picture. Here is a sneak peek for Ms Sarah

A New blog I read

2009-11-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

I have found a new blog that I really love. She is a stay-at-home Christian mom who feeds her family "real" (unprocessed, healthy) food.

Two recent posts that are great:

Real Food on a Budget

12 Steps to a Real Food Diet

Here is a summary of her steps and where we are on this journey

1. Use real butter instead of margarine.

We don't have a source for affordable real butter (no Trader Joe's in TX). I have Costco's unsalted butter right now - which obviously is not organic or grass-fed. But since I cook mostly dairy-free, I don't use it often. I keep it around for myself for toast or whatever. 99% of the time I use Coconut Oil when I cook.

2. Limit beverage choices to filtered water.

This is all we drink besides raw milk. We have a reverse osmosis filter in our house which makes the water taste so clean and delicious. I add flavored stevia to mine and it helps me drink so much more water. Lemon juice is great too and a natural diuretic.

3. Eliminate white flour and white sugar. Throw out the refined!

I don't use any refined sugar anymore. I do use 1-2 cups of white flour when I make bread since I don't have any dough enhancers. Helps it to rise, be lighter, etc. But that's 1-2 cups out of 11 for 4 loaves. Still healthier than store-bought bread, even with the white flour ;) As my confidence builds in bread making I plan to cut it out

4. Use brown rice and brown rice pastas instead of white.

We eat brown rice once a week or so. We use whole wheat pasta though. I only buy brown rice for Abram because he is mostly wheat-free. Brown rice pasta is too expensive to buy for everyone. Its good though! (organic whole wheat pasta is $1.59 for a pound at Central Market - thats the best price ive found anywhere!)

5. Buy grass-fed and pastured beef, chicken and eggs.

We buy local pastured eggs ($2/dozen and we eat about 4 dozen a week) and organic chicken from Costco. To afford the chicken I use less now and cook the whole chicken myself instead of buying a big bag of frozen chicken breasts. I usually mix the shredded chicken with beans to stretch it for two meals. I use the stock for homemade soup once a week as well. I buy grass-fed, pastured ground beef when I can for $5.25 for 1.5lbs which is really affordable compared to other sources! Again, I use less than before and make it go further with beans or in a soup, chili, etc.

6. Use healthy fats in your cooking.

Just like her we use coconut oil, olive oil and butter. None of the other processed oils (you really should read her post, its great!) So far Ive used the refined coconut oil because I dont like the taste of coconut. but I think next time I may try the unrefined because its so much more healthy.

7. Find a raw milk source.

we drink 2 gallons a week. We pay a total of $64 a month. This is the first thing to go when times are lean. then I buy organic milk from Central Market and cut back how much everyone drinks.

8. Learn how to make kefir and yogurt.

I used to make water kefir. not there yet though. and ive never made my own yogurt. some day Id like to try though, with the raw milk. the kids would love it!

9. Pick one product on your grocery list that you can begin making from scratch.

I now cook my own beans (vs. canned), whole wheat bread and whole wheat tortillas. (both recipes are from her site)

10. Buy organic or spray free vegetables and fruits – and eat lots!

This is one area we really cant afford. Organic apples we can buy at Costco for a super cheap price (10lbs for about $8) but otherwise its usually not an option. I do buy organic FROZEN veggies like corn, broccoli and green beans. These are very affordable at Costco. I need to get to the local farmers markets and talk to them!

11. Buy wild fish.

We rarely eat fish but when we do, I look for wild. Costco carries wild canned salmon and the kids love it.

12. Begin soaking your grains.

Just now learning to incorporate this one. I made some bread from soaked flour recently and it was good. I always soak my beans but I'm trying to be organized enough to remember for other things.

I made 4 loaves of bread today (soooooo good!). They are delicious! and I figure they cost about $5 total? A quality loaf of WW bread with no preservatives is at least $4 a loaf! I was buying Orowheats 100% WW bread at the outlet for $1.69 each but it had soybean oil (boo) and other things Id prefer to us not eat. So this is healthier and less expensive too! and the kids just rave and rave over it. If you have a mixer, it really isnt any work at all.

Bread pictures!

Mixing in the Bosch mixer

All done!

Yum!

Ive found that we SAVE money by eating healthier. It just takes more planning and more work on my part. But its worth it! I hope this post encourages someone in one or two steps they can take to make their food healthier. Its worth it for the overall health of your family.

:)

totally unrelated but here is Abram and the neighbors cat. this cat appears whenever we are outside with all the kids. he must be a glutton for punishment. Abram just adores him - chases him screaching "kitty!!!" and lays on him, etc. The cat comes back though. He even comes and visits on our window sill sometimes :)

And this is the view from my kitchen...... The other morning it was a little foggy and the light was hitting it so beautifully over the playset. This is totally unedited.

Rachel

Baby T preview

2009-11-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

Had the honor of working with 1 week old "baby T" yesterday. She is just lovely (like her mama!) :)

here is a sneak peek ...

Weight loss

2009-11-10T06:00:00.001-08:00

Just have to share that Ive officially hit my next weight loss goal!! Since that day that I visited my midwife Ive lost another 15lbs. Im down two sizes. It feels sooooo good!

I want to keep going. The thinner I get, the better I feel. I havent been this weight since before I got pregnant with Noah (probably before I started teaching - I ate a lot because I was nervous!). Im not "skinny" compared to others but it sure feels awesome!

Ive started to do some simple pilates and just focus on using my "core"/abs in whatever Im doing. I can totally tell the difference already!

Im nervous about the upcoming holidays. I do great at home because 1) I dont have any sugar here and 2) if I eat any I have to pay Leslie $100 ;) But our deal is up on Nov 17th. Im really praying for the grace to make good, self-controlled decisions. I want to enjoy the holidays but not feel horrible afterwards.

I think not eating after 8 is something I want to stick with, I feel so much better in the mornings! The treats I make for our family I plan to still make the healthy ways ... but I do also plan to enjoy some other treats too! :)

It really is true that "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" :) Most of all I want to honor God with self control. Its not something Ive had the discipline to do before, especially in private or on bad days (just being painfully honest). But Ive always dieted for myself and/or out of guilt. I want to learn to choose carefully because I know its right and I know it pleases the Lord! And the things that are good for us and that please Him ALWAYS benefit us in the end too!

(and no im not pregnant yet !!!!)

Capturing Moments

2009-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

I dont usually read to the kids at bedtime, its just not part of our bedtime routine right now. But Jayna was starting to whine and break down as we finished brushing teeth (Steves at work) so I offered to read them two books together.

they were the sweetest. things. EVER. seriously.

First Caleb brought me his blanket so I could be "comfortable". So thoughtful. Then Jayna said "im cold" (such a girl - hint hint Caleb!) and he helped her put her blanket on (really I did, but he was super sweet and willing to). So the blanket adjusting went on until everyone was snuggled up and ready. They were sitting in her toddler bed and I was sitting infront of it.

At some point Jayna got up and got her zebra and brought it to Caleb (the zebra is a favorite - major act of love). Caleb started to say, "its ok ill get my own toy" but I gave him "the look" that told him to be kind and he gently said, "thank you Jayna, you are very sweet". so precious.

randomly once when I was reading she said in the dreamiest voice, "I love you Caleb". He started telling her how he was going to buy her something really special for her birthday. Then he's like, "do you like fossils" ... LOL. Im sure she'll be thrilled Caleb ;)

Anyways we have our sweet moments and they make it all worth it ...they just pass so quickly. but they warmed my heart. My words are inadequate to capture their tenderness towards eachother, the sweet girly way Jayna covers her mouth and giggles at funny parts of the story or the way Caleb cares for her ..... *Sigh*

Tractor Pictures

2009-11-06T16:32:00.000-08:00

**Click to view larger**
This is from the day we went to the pumpkin patch with Leslie, Luke and Lillian.
They had this cool, old tractor that all the boys waited in line to play on.

Random Wednesday

2009-11-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

My halloween post was such a downer LOL. so....moving on....

check out this A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. maternity shot. Wow!!!! Ive seen this kind of work one time before and it just blows me away. beautiful!! (seriously, you have to look) Pinkle Toes Photography Any willing models due next summer? ;)

Ive have an exciting story about what God did in October - you know part of the story but it just gets better and better! Im going to type it all up when I have more energy ;) woohoo!

Im excited about thanksgiving this year. The last few years we've just stayed home. Ive tried to make it festive and fun for the kids but Im always very down and lonely and homesick. I hate cooking all the food myself and miss the fellowship of other women. But this year we are going to be with my friend Carmen's family! Ive gotten to know some of them over the last year as Carmen and I have gotten closer. I met her mom when I was her doula for the birth of her first son :) They do a huge family gathering with crafts, rides on the tractor (mower :)), etc. Im really excited to have somewhere fun to go and get to be with friends and in a family environment! I know it will be fun for the kids.

pictures make everything better

This is the moon this *morning*, probably around 7:30am. It was lighter than it looks but this is the straight-out-of-the-camera shot and I obviously dont know how to expose it correctly. I had to put my telephoto lens on to get a shot. It was neat though!
*CLICK TO SEE IT LARGE*

Noah on his new scooter. we've been playing out front more. As you can see the driveway isnt exactly *ahem* smooth and easy to ride on. But we make it work! (cant find his helmet in our disaster of a garage!)

I am in love with his cuteness

I mean really?! sooooo cute

This is my beloved Beco. I am thinking of selling it.
I'll either use the money for more cloth diapers for Abram or to help us go to World Mandate in January. Either one is a worthy cause ;)
I do love it but it will be awhile before I use it again (if Im blessed enough to use it again!)
Thinking of selling it for around $80 - let me know if you're interested
(the new versions are $130 new)

This is bella. my favorite dog. Go ahead and tell Chloe. then maybe she'll stop barking at me every 5 seconds while im on the computer (she can see me from the window). We got Bella from a shelter. she was so small and timid. it was so sad. She grew out of it ;)

This is Chloe. Bark-a-holic. She's useless as a guard dog too.
But we still love her

Pretty flower from out front.
I wish the pictures didnt load up to blogger with such low quality :(

Halloween

2009-11-03T06:39:00.000-08:00

I know not everyone feels the same ... but I really hate halloween. I just kind of avoid the subject as much as possible and wait until it passes. My hope is that when the boys are a little older (maybe even next year) we can use it to bless our neighbors and be a light in the darkness but for now I just ignore it.

Steves always worked late on Halloween so Id be home with small children, lights off, waiting for the trick-or-treaters to be done. I dont feel comfortable opening the door to strangers, all by myself, with 4 young children around me. Plus we dont let them eat candy and we dont have money for costumes (at $30 a pop who has $120 laying around for one night?! and y'all know I dont have time to make costumes!). When we do have candy from birthday parties I usually let them have one piece a day for a few days and then the excitment wears off and the candy disappears. This year I really didnt feel like dealing with all that - them asking constantly, etc.

BUT this year Steve was off by 5:30 and was actually home with us! Last minute we got together some dress-up stuff we had around the house and we also decided to go to Chipotle (burritos). If you dress up like a burrito, taco or bowl you get a free burrito! The total for our dinners was $38 - which is why we dont often go there all together. But it was F-R-E-E. That is my kind of deal! :) And chipotle is my FAVORITE. Yum. healthy food, and to-die-for guacamole - I just love it.

So they got to dress up and have full, happy tummies too :). There were a ton of TCU college kids there, passing around the foil so they could be burritos. It was funny to watch and made it a lot of fun. It also made us feel really old since their shirts said things like "class of '12" which is 11 years after we graduated college. EEK! how did that happen?

So anyways. It was a fun night. Noah really wanted to trick-or-treat. I dont think that will happen but maybe next year we might hand candy out. I still think its weird to hand out candy when I wouldnt feed it to my own kids.Id love to do something to share Jesus but I also would never just give kids a track with no candy - lame. So we'll have to think and pray on how we can be a light on that dark night!

(WARNING: MY OPINION ON COSTUMES FOLLOWS. PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED on this topic ..... I have no problem with dressing up in general - I do have a problem with how easily evil is accepted on that night, even by Christians. Little kids should not be dressed up as the devil (which is never cute or innocent) or witches (there are no "good witches" in real life) or pirates (rob, steal, kill), mummies (dead people?!), etc. Its a compromise with our culture and it the devil probably loves it! Fun does not trump whats right. I dont walk around with condemnation in my heart for others but we just avoid it for our family. I think most people are just either 1) naive or 2) swept in with the culture or 3) unwilling to separate from the culture. Very few people are actually evil satan-worshippers who have taught their children the same. But I just wish Christians especially would step out and be set apart in that area. Evil dressed up in a cute way is still evil. Also.... scaring people is not "fun". I always teach the kids - Satan is the one that causes fear and tries to scare people. Right? That is not of God. But really Im not very opinionated on the subject LOL!!!!! :)

*anyways*

Here are some pictures :)

Caleb was a soldier (he's been saying he wants to be a soldier for years now)
If you know Caleb, you know this is actually what he normally wears LOL

Abram was a dog. We've had this around since Noah and Caleb were super little.

Jayna was a princess. My cousin's neighbor passed this down to us!

This is how Abram felt after about 2 mins of the hat on ;)

No pictures of us at chipotle yet. I did save Calebs taco costume - Ill try to get one of him in it!

Working tonight.

2009-10-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Click Here to see what Im working on tonight...

the children's pastor is a friend and she asked to use some of my photos in the new nursery. Our church has been together for many years but they've always rented spaces. Right now we meet in a school in the area. But we raised the money to lease our own space so Christ Fellowship will have its own official building for the first time! (and not only did we not go into debt, we will save money each month!)

anyways, just playing around with some of my pictures so I could send her some ideas. Feels good to "work" and get something done :)

now im exhausted. off to bed!

Our Monday

2009-10-27T17:55:00.001-07:00

Today is Tuesday which is our Mon since steve is off Sun/Mon. I must have really slacked last week because I had my work cut out for me. I caught up on dishes, folded loads and loads of laundry, sorted clothes for the change of season and then tackled the back bedroom. Right now Abrams sleeping in there but we are going to switch the kids so I need to get it together.

I organized all his baby boy clothes into their bins...the sweet little clothes that all of my boys have worn. It was sad though that some of the cute sleepers no longer stayed snapped on Abram because they've been used to much. So I got rid of some of those. But everything else got put into its correct bin (0-3 mos, 3-6 mos and 6-9/9-12 mos). Feels good!

Next I have to tackle Jaynas clothes. She has too many right now - last week I thought she didnt have any. But a friend gave us a bag (thanks les!) and I found another huge bag of 3t/4t winter clothes that a friend gave me a few years ago. So fun! So I need to pack up her 2T clothes, decide what to keep for the sister she will someday have ;) , what to keep for her this winter, what to give away, etc.

I really need to get it together and be super organized to make this space work for us right now. Its very overwhelming to me. I have such a need to create a space of peace and beauty. I feel like Ive done that in the front room and can get there in the kitchen. But the bedrooms are a major challenge. I used to think I was so busy when I had to do jobs like painting after the kids went to bed or at naptime - now those kinds of things are nearly impossible. Or possible but so out of my reach physically and mentally. The hallway's been partially cut in for months and months. I just need to do it and paint it! Its driving me nuts! :)

dont you just breathe easier when the house is clean? *sigh* love that feeling.

on a totally different note - Abram is totally trying to copy me when I say "uh oh spaghetti-o". soooooo cute. It sounds a little different every time but he gets the syllables right and he's been saying the 'uh oh' part for quite awhile. Ive been praying over him since he was born that speech would come easy to him (After what we've been through with caleb and jayna). I pray that a lot still, that the Lord would open us his mind, connect anything thats not working correctly, heal, open his mouth to speak easily, etc. So its exciting to hear him speaking! He says a lot of things now. He is starting to say 'no' but it comes out like 'neh'. Like when I ask him if he's ready to go night-night in his bed....he'll just matter-of-factly say 'neh'. :) so cute.

off to watch Biggest Loser with Steve. Last night I "got" to watch the Transformers movie with him. I think TV-watching is his love language. Which is hilarious because Id much rather be without it. But I do love our time together :)

Diva Cup

2009-10-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

*Female's Eyes Only* :)

I know Im not one to talk about this right now since I dont have my cycles back yet but if you dont have one of these, you need one. For Real.

A diva cup is a small silicon cup that you insert and can leave in for 12 hours! On my heavy days I would change it at 6 or 8 but it could definitely go overnight with no problems. There is a learning curve on getting it to fit comfortably but once I got used to it, I LOVED it. Love, love, love.

No more buying tampons ever again! Tampons are bleached and this is SOOOO much healthier to have inside of you! Plus you save money after one month :)

LINK

just had Diva Cups on the mind. All this for free LOL ;)

A restful Sunday together

2009-10-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

My sweet Abram is feeding himself applesauce with a spoon right now and doing quite well. So cute! (on a side note - why do people buy applesauce with sugar? its so sweet naturally!). He was never a fan of applesauce until recently. we've tried different types but the organic unsweetened from CM is very mild and he likes it alot. He's been super picky lately so Im glad to have something he will eat! He just had cold, leftover brocoli from dinner, scrambled eggs and now applesauce. Filling him up before naptime!

Steve had a late night at his second job last night and wasnt in until 3am! Jayna had a fever last night so we just all stayed home from church. Its cloudy and cool and a nice fall day to hang out. He's out working on the yard actually - mowing and edging and preparing a ditch....we have flash floods in the forecast again tonight. Im cleaning and trying to catch up from my week where it looks like I did nothing in here all week long ;)

I want to try to write quick posts more often and remember all these little things like what Abrams eating, etc. Sweet moments.

Another pumpkin patch day

2009-10-24T20:01:00.001-07:00

My good friend Leslie invited us up to a small pumpkin patch near her house. It was a gorgeous fall day and we had a lot of fun! And I finally got IN one of the pictures :)

I look kind of weird...maybe thats where Noah gets it from LOL. I love that boy but he sure is goofy. They just got these hats from Heidi (my stepmom). I had them all bundled up but it turned out to be really warm! oh well. Behind us is a huge corn maze. I actually got pretty lost in there with the two little girls and Abram. Started to feel the walls closing in - I was glad to get out!

My mom bought Noah a huge set of the Boxcar Children books on ebay for his birthday. Anyone ever read those? Well he started his first book yesterday - his first chapter book to read all on his own. And he finished by bedtime!!! I was shocked, it was like 155 pages. I knew he'd love to read things like that though - just like his mommy and daddy. I remember devouring Nancy Drew books like they were chocolate ;) He's buzzing through book 2 now. So cool!!!

New Scooter

2009-10-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Noah got a Razor scooter from Nana from his birthday. Caleb's had one a few years, but Caleb's has three wheels and Noah's has two. Anyways, its scooters, scooters everywhere in here (of course they can ride in the house!)

Well sweet Jayna was playing on Calebs and fell and this happened.....

it looks worse now - its turning blue all underneath her eye and its very swollen. Poor baby girl!!!

(she just played checkers with Noah and lost and screamed at him, "you. hurt. my. FEELINGS!!!!". oh the drama!)

Today - 10/22/02

2009-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Im sooooo sore. We had a crazy flash flood yesterday afternoon and our back porch was a mess. there is a piece of wood infront of the back door and the water came up halfway across it. one more inch and I would have been mopping like crazy! Instead I was outside, barefoot, shoveling grass to try and help it drain. I actually put on my shoes to go out front. Im civilized like that. I was completely soaked through, it was raining soooooo hard. We definitely were missing daddy at that moment! but thankfully no water came in the house.

just random things i want to write down....

Abram says "ya/yeah" when I ask him things. "Is that a ball?" "ya". Its really funny. If I keep talking he'll have a conversation with me with all these short made-up words (ne/ba/meh/etc). Its super cute.

Noah turns 7 today! We had a few of his buddies over yesterday (supposed to be at the park but we got rained out) and he got some fun "big boy" toys that have a million pieces. He's so big! Nana gave him a razor and he's been riding in the house all morning - between school assignments of course ;). We started reading White Fang today. Im censoring out the curse words but otherwise its really good so far!

Jayna's starting to write her letters. She is doing so well - such a girl in that way. For the longest time she's been able to draw a straight line of perfect little circles. Very detail-oriented.

Abram just pulled the clean clothes down and is stepping all over them. *Sigh* This boy is b-u-s-y. He is on the table constantly. We do time-out over and over and over. Its helped a little but not completely. His new thing? He eats the erasers off of all our pencils. For real. We need those for school buddy!!!! stinker :) Been working on nursing him less at night. so when he wakes I tell him that the milks "all done". He is adjusting to it. I still nurse him, just less. We will keep decreasing.

Then we will work on having him sleep in his own bed at night. It will be a hard transition for both of us, I sleep better with him with me now! We are also thinking of switching the kids' rooms and letting Noah take the room up in the attic. Steve thinks he's reading but Im not sure. makes me nervous!

getting off the computer now and focusing on getting ready for Core. Since its Noahs bday we are picking up a costco pizza for something special. And Zevia soda as another special treat (its healthy, sweetened with stevia!) Looking forward to all of it! :)

God is good!!!!

Ft Worth Eggs

2009-10-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

Im so excited to find a great contact for farm-fresh eggs!!!

There is a lady named Laurie who works in Ft Worth, just south of downtown. She has 33 free-roaming, happy hens. They are allowed to run all over and eat bugs and all that good stuff that make the eggs super healthy and composed as God intended. She also feeds them table scraps and they love it.

The food they are supplemented is not organic. But from what I've read, eggs from truly pastured chickens are healthier than store-bought organic eggs. This is good news since they are cheaper! they are only $2/dozen and they are awesome. They are big and the darkest yolks Ive ever seen (and Ive had farm eggs before!) She is very friendly and sweet :)

check out this awesome article: Healthy Eggs: What to Buy

If you want her contact info let me know!

Pumpkin Patch 09

2009-10-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

We were super excited to get to go to the pumpkin patch as a family today :) The kids, Steve's parents and I went two years ago for Noah's 5th birthday...thats the day he broke his arm in the bounce house. Fun times.

Two years later and Im happy to announce that no one was injured this year :)

This is the coolest pumpkin patch - first of all, because its totally free :). It was a little bit of a drive but worth it. We did get the kids 50 cent tiny pumpkins and they were/are thrilled! We are going to paint them in school tomorrow.

The boys loved the bounce house thats like an obstacle course, Abram loooooved the pumpkins, Jayna enjoyed them too. We didnt get a ride on the tractor/hayride because it was stuck and things were backed up, but we had fun anyways. I packed some snacks and took a ton of pictures.

Here are a few of my favorites

Here is the whole album

PumpkinPatch09

Miss Jayna

2009-10-17T21:09:00.001-07:00

Three posts in a row - what can I say?

Had to share this picture of Jayna that I took today at a birthday party we went to. How cute is she?! :)

This was just a quick snap and edit. I have some more to post later. Night y'all!

Freedom

2009-10-17T21:00:00.001-07:00

The lady hosting the baby shower invited two women who have recently come here from Iraq. The are muslims, who have fled due to persecution. I had the honor of sitting awhile with one of these sweet ladies and talking with her - may the Lord forgive me for how I take my freedom for granted. I know she told me very little of the horrors she has seen but even what she did share was sad and shocking.

She's fiesty and I loved it ....there women are forbidden to wear pants, but now, living in America, she doesnt own one skirt! I love the rebel in her. She has reason to rebel. I wont share any more of her story for her privacy and protection but please pray for her husband who is still in another country unable to get a visa here. They have been married less than a year and she misses him terribly.

What a hard, hard thing to come to a country like this. She loves the freedom but there is a lot she has to do for herself now, like get a job. And its hard when you arent comfortable speaking the language (although she is very good!)

There are refugees from all over the world living here in Ft Worth and I never had any idea. A new friend from church works for Catholic Charities who helps them get settled, find places to live, work, etc. These people are lonely and struggling and need the love and hope of Jesus ... people from church are constantly reaching out to them. One life group recently went all out and decorated an apartment for a new family - they were blown away!

Im excited to get more involved. What an opportunity to love people like Jesus would. I asked her if she'd come to visit our church and she said yes....thats huge! And she's never seen snow ....Lord, let it snow this winter! May she marvel in the freedom we take for granted every day - and may she find true, lasting freedom in Jesus!

Diaper Cakes

2009-10-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

I made my first diaper cakes earlier this year, for a friend at church. The project Ive been working on is my next two - for another friend who's shower was tonight. so now I can share :)

The first two I made - I like to do an elegant/fancy one and then a fun/funky one with all the goodies on it!

In the middle are bottles filled with yummy chocolates!

(I was really happy with how these two girly ones came out!)

this isnt the best picture but you get the idea :)

Swagbucks

2009-10-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

Click below to sign up for Swagbucks (just close the ad if it pops up). I wouldnt promote something that was a scam. This is for real. I have earned a total of $40 in Amazon gift cards since I started (45 swagbucks=$5 amazon gift cards) and I already have 18 more swagbucks towards my next one.

Just use the search engine or swagbucks.com every time you do a search. If you want to go to facebook type in "facebook", or whatever site you want, or whatever you need info on. Randomly you'll win, usually $1 or $2 swagbucks at a time. Fridays (today!!!) are mega swagbuck days, and you can earn up to $100 swagbucks at a time!

If you sign up a friend, you earn what they earn, up to 100 swagbucks.

Until tomorrow enter "Swaggenstein" for an additional swagbuck!

Until tomorrow enter "Swaggenstein" for an additional swagbuck!

Zoo pictures

2009-10-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we went to the zoo with some friends. The mom and I actually went to high school together and her mom babysat me. The Lord brought us back together - of all places - here in Texas :) We have a lot in common and get along well and so do the kids. We went to every.single.part. of the zoo. We were there for hours and we were thorough. It was fun!

(click to see album)

Zoo Oct 09

a Caleb funny

2009-10-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

Caleb: Hey mommy, what are our nails for?

Me: (I shrugged my shoulders - finding myself suddenly stumped!)

Caleb: You should ask God that when we are in heaven.

I love that he was thinking about that (his nails often get him in trouble - he likes to peel things like paint off the wall, stickers, pick at things, etc.). He is so sweet though, such a tender heart. He is doing REALLY well learning his phonograms and learning to sound things out and read. And his writing has come so far in just 5 weeks. I love him so! Dont know what I'd do without my sweet K-bear.

Good Morning World!

2009-10-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Thursday morning!!! :)

Thursday is a super busy day for us with school and Core and all it takes to get ready for Core. Abrams up earlier than usual and Im tired. But I have hope - hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. People always wonder how I can do this, with 4 young children and homeschooling ... its simply, grace. He has called me to this so He equips me! Its the same for all of us when we walk with Him. Its not easy but its so rich, so deeply satisfying to our souls!

I made some bean cake again last night and I tried to take some pictures to share the process - has anyone else tried it yet? It really is super easy - beans, cocoa and eggs. (I want to send something "normal" looking for dessert for the kids for Core tonight. long story of why but just to help them blend better with the kids there)

I have a project this week that is super fun - I cant share right now, its a surprise for a friend. But Ill have pictures soon!

Here are some more pictures from my session with baby A. I hope they bring a smile to your face this morning! What a marvelous Creator we serve! (these are on facebook so many of you have already seen them - sorry for the repeats!)

If things are hard for you too......

2009-10-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

If things are hard for you too......

I just encourage you to pray. Be open with the Lord and take time to be still and **listen**. He will show you what to do, how to change, and grant peace.

A few weeks ago we prayed in our small group at Core, for provision for us, as well as another family in our church that is struggling. A week later someone left $2000 cash in their mailbox!!! I felt tempted to be jealous and I even told myself that they are just much more godly and more committed to prayer (just being honest!)....but thats not how God works! We dont earn His gifts, they are freely given. Our provision has looked different but its been everything we've needed. He knows what we need, and when we are seeking Him, and surrendering to Him, He will provide it.

So dont be discouraged if times are hard. Pray and pray and pray! He is faithful to answer us when we call.

Miss Jayna - smiling about getting ready to go out for some "girl time" with Mama :)

(my mom bought her this shirt and flower when she was here last time. Ive been waiting for the right outfit and the cooler weather to finally put her in it! I just love it in her hair!!! )

God is good

2009-10-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

I should really just call my blog "God is good". Cant stop saying it!

I only have a few mins but I just want to say that the Lord is amazing. We are so blessed by our friends and family. We are so blessed to be in a community where there is love and generosity instead of judgement. We are learning so much from the people around us. We all make mistakes - our job is to LOVE. not judge.

We have made some mistakes with money in the past. And we arent perfect now. But we have really changed some major things in the last few months are joyful in living how the Lord wants us to - carefully, with discipline, as good stewards of what He's given us. "Act your wage" as Dave Ramsey says ;) We have never been into extravagant items, we have no care for status or material things like cars or clothes but we just didnt budget well. If we ran out of food, Id just go buy more. If Steve hadnt gotten paid yet Id just charge it. Add in the cost of moving, having a baby, medical bills, etc. and we got behind.

I used to be proud that we had no credit card debt. We paid it off every month. But you know what pride comes before .... ;) So if you are thinking it could never happen to you - repent! Anyways, things are different now. We are in the best place - having to depend on Him instead of ourselves. While things continue to break (oh my goodness our garage door almost fell completely off the other day!!! im sure it was comical LOL, my cell phone wont charge again, i have a headlight out, etc) the Lord continues to abundantly provide!

We had people here for dinner the other day and had so much leftovers (we all contributed) we had another meal from it. Then yesterday a sweet friend brought by two gallons of raw milk (I used to get raw milk and really believe in the health benefits but cant afford it right now) and THEN today....the FedEx guy showed up. He shocked us by dropping off $500 (!!!) in gift cards to Central Market! (what?!?!?!) They were from some sweet friends we went to college with - she is a faithful blog reader and a HUGE encouragement to me.

We are blown.away. Humbled. and thankful. and amazed.

We are getting ready now to head off to CM and get some food! I went the other day with our first gift card but I was super cautious in what I bought. We ran out of oats and a few other thigns so we are off to shop! I love how the Lord not only provides but provides the best for us. He knows that central market really loves on my heart! HE IS GOOD!

Wednesday Oct 7

2009-10-07T10:54:00.001-07:00

Its not even 1pm and what a day! Abram had his 1yr check-up today. It was his first check-up ever actually...kind of on purpose and kind of not. I never intended to go to every single one since we dont vaccinate and I can tell when my baby is ok or not by now ;) But I did intend to go before he was 14 months. Of course now we are right in the middle of the swine flu season so I was a nervous wreck but I prayed, gave us our Vit C and went for it. Well they had some many walk-ins from the flu that we had to wait an HOUR. The Dr is a friend from church so I wasnt mad or anything, it just sucked up my morning. Abram looks great. They did some blood work to check on iron and lead.

Those that know me would have cracked up at me if you had been watching...brought in my folder with the growth chart Ive kept for him since birth (specifically for breastfed boys) as well as a typed account of when he hit his milestones (sitting, walking, etc), the words he currently can say and the foods he does and doesnt eat. It may have been a "little" over the top but as a Christian, homeschooling, non-vaxing family we want to be careful to cover our bases and make sure there is documentation that we care for the children. Thats really the only reason I wanted to have a check-up at all - to make sure it was on the records. So anyways, glad thats over with :) (p.s. the only reason Im able to blog right now is because abram is pulling everything out of my purse and the closet)

So as Steve was going to work he checked our mailbox........there was a card inside with our names on it. It has a quote from Sheila Walsh on the front, "We can thank God for the simple gifts of grace He gives us every day" and inside was a gift card to Central Market ... for $250!!!! What?!?!?!?!?! All it says inside is "Grace to you!". So whoever out there was so kind and generous us to use thank you, thank you, thank you! I love the body of Christ, so beautiful! Its so very humbling to need this but you are truly an answer to prayer. I will be spending it so very carefully!

I get a lot of our food from other stores of course but there are some things I can only get from Central Market - Jaynas almond milk, organic dry beans (way less than canned beans and healthier!), cashew butter for the boys, etc. I just went there actually and carefully spent $35. And $12 of that was on probiotics for Abram - hated to do that but his tongue is turning white again and Im very concerned the thrush may come back :( so I had to. Anyways, super excited!!!! and thankful! I had *just* said to Steve and that we only had a little left to spend until he gets paid on Oct 30th. Oh what a blessing!!! We are still using the food my friend dropped by the other day but its almost gone. He truly always does provide!

(you should see the mess abrams making!)

well time to do some school. its so much harder for me to homeschool in the afternoon but thats what we do when Steve closes, since he doesnt go in until 12. Its actually going REALLY well, Im really thrilled with what they've learned already - several verses, tons of phonograms, Calebs reading and writing so well, etc. So fun to homeschool!

love y'all. Cling to Jesus - everything else pales in comparison. Id never want to live without Him again. His love is overwhelming. He is REAL!!!!

Here is a picture from our last homeschool co-op day with my friend Candice and her kids. We learned about Hawaii so they are giving the "hang loose" sign. This friday we learn about Thailand! (look at Noahs face LOL!!!)

First Oct Update

2009-10-03T19:18:00.001-07:00

Its quiet. Steves at work, the kids are all asleep. The only sounds are the occasional waves of rain that move through outside. so lovely :) My dishes are done, clothes folded. Just a few more chores and Im ready to face Sunday! I love church but it is a ton of work getting us all out the door on time and presentable. I try to do whatever I can the night before. Plus we have be having life group here tomorrow.

It was a good week. We had an awesome time at the zoo on Tues with friends. The kids got to play outside several days and we got school work done in the middle of it all. Thurs night at CORE was totally awesome - learned a lot. And Abram did very well - he not only stayed down in the childcare all night, but he was asleep on Ms Sarah's shoulder when we went to get him :) We've had some totally awesome weather too. I just love Fall!

Abram was extra tired because he has a cough that's been keeping him up. Wed and Thurs night I had to hold him upright from bedtime until about midnight. When I laid him down he'd start coughing again. Its dry but he has these "attacks" that, often, only breastfeeding will calm. So that hasnt been too fun. He didnt cough at all last night but both he and Jayna coughed over and HOUR this morning before they woke up :( Jayna said her back hurt from it, which worried me. But they are both fine otherwise and I barely heard a cough all day ... they played and ate normally.

Anyways. My biggest baby will turn 7 in only 19 days. So crazy. We asked him what he wanted for his birthday over dinner tonight. He keeps saying he wants a flat screen TV. You live on the same planet as I do, right son? I have no idea where he is getting that from. We dont have one. Of course he is smart enough to know those cost a lot of money - glad he cracks himself up. He also mentioned a canon that he could shoot himself out of. Do you see what I have to deal with?! :) I can satisfy his meal request - buffalo burgers with kiwi and cherries for dessert :) We will also be making a "dirt cake". Remember those?! So fun. Not healthy but fun. I still remember the first time I had it, the exact day and place. And yes Im cool enough to make it for him. I dont deprive them of sugary fun ALL the time!

So excited that so many people want to try the bean cake I posted about a few posts ago! Please let me know how it goes! Next time I make beans Im going to try it again myself....mmmmm can hardly wait!

Times have been a little tough her (ok, a lot tough). But its been good. Its coincided perfectly with our commitment not to have sugar for 2 months, no eating after 8, no fried food, etc. Ive lost 9 more pounds! :) Thats a total of 29lbs lost this year. It feels great. Im less now then when I got pregnant with Abram (actually less then when I got pregnant with Noah!) Five more and Ill be happy - 10 more and Ill probably be too hungry, but very skinny :)

It was very faith-building for me to just pray and pray for provision. There were tears but I *knew* He would provide. Anyways we were big-time blessed to have a dear friend drop some groceries off this week. She was so sweet ... everything was organic! Far more than I can ever afford to buy organic but she knows my heart and that I love to feed the kids like that. There were carrots, apples, eggs, milk, kiwi, avacados (yummo! those are mommy's!), lettuce, green beans, grapes, etc. It really blessed us - all I could do was bawl and mumble "thank you" through my tears :) And then today I sold a rug on craigslist! We've had it in the garage far too long - huge answer to prayer. Another friend dropped by some eggs today from chickens that live here in the 'hood ;) He really ALWAYS does provide.

Ive actually enjoyed have only a tiny bit of money the last few weeks ... its really built up the compassion in my heart for those that struggle with so little all the time. I prayed a lot about how Id spent my food budget ($50 for two weeks) and also how to use what we already had. The Lord gave me a lot of creativity and we've been fine, we've had great meals actually! I had beans, rice and meat in the freezer so it was fun to be more creative. Anyways not a sad story so dont feel bad - we are very thankful! God is good! :)

Id love to have my own chickens. I wonder if they'd lay eggs with my goofy dogs always barking at them? We eat sooooo many eggs, it would be so awesome. If I make eggs for dinner we can easily eat 15. Abram and I eat them almost every day and my kids will, thankfully, eat them whenever I make them. They love them boiled too. Ive always gotten the organic ones from Costco since thats the best frice for organic Ive ever seen. But Ive been chatting with some local people on craiglist about trying out their eggs. One lady's are completely free range and run all over eat grass and bugs and all that - thats so good for the chickens and great for the nutrition of the egg! So we'll see :)

Its fun to blab on my blog. especially when its quiet. And major shot out to all my stalkers - hahaha! you know who you are! ;) j/k. love ya!

All praise to the Father, from whom all blessings flow. Praise to our Savior who bore unimaginable pain so that we could return as children and be accepted as He is accepted. Praise the the Holy Spirit, our helper, we are never alone!

and because every post is better with a picture.......here is my good friend Candice's son. We do a homeschool co-op every other Friday and study the countries where the missionaries from our church live. Its mostly geography but we want to teach them about missionaries. We have them write to them, learn about the culture, etc. Anyways snapped this while we were at her house a few weeks ago! Remember his newborn pictures? Such a cutie!

Sneak Peek of baby A :)

2009-09-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

Had the honor and blessing of getting to spend some time with 5 day old baby "A" yesterday. Isnt he gorgeous?! Here is a sneak peek for Mama! :)

Ashley

2009-09-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Hey Ashley! thanks for saying hi :) I apologize for using your last name - Ive edited the post to remove it. I wasn't thinking! Actually Swagbucks doesnt use your last name, only an initial (just so everyone knows!). In an email about something else they used it - which is weird. Very strange actually since the "professional" bloggers have tons of people sign up with them they dont know.

anyways. sorry! Thanks for stopping by sometimes. Im relieved to know that we dont actually know each other and that I hadn't forgotten you and hurt your feelings LOL!

Coupon sites I use

2009-09-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

A lot more people are getting into using coupons. Some people use the Grocery Game which is great but if you want to get the deals for free, here are some of my favorite sites.

Like Ive said before, most of the food we cant/wont eat. If its something like pasta, even if its white, Ill get it if its a good enough deal. Thats great to have on hand for company, life group, or when we are just out of food. And easy to store.

I have a huge stock of stuff that I plan to donate at Christmas, mostly womans toiletries. Im really excited about that. Things like toothbrushes, shaving gel (I just use soap, the gel is toxic. but i know some people wont go without), pantyliners, etc. Ive gotten so much for FREE. I may not use it but I know it will bless other women so its worth the time.

Ok. enough blabbing ;) Here they are, my favorites are listed first.

*note: online coupons can generally be printed twice from each computer. hit your "back" button a few times and it will print again*

http://www.couponing101.com/ (start here - great tutorials)

http://savingandgiving.blogspot.com/

http://thekrazycouponlady.com/

http://www.momsbyheart.net/

http://www.mycouponcollege.blogspot.com/ (friend Sarahs blog)

http://www.southernsavers.com/

http://jane4girls800dollarannualbudget.blogspot.com/

http://melziemomsbargains.blogspot.com/

http://www.babygoodbuys.com/

http://hip2save.blogspot.com/

http://www.mypennypile.com/

http://attentiontargetshoppers.blogspot.com/

http://myfrugaladventures.blogspot.com/

Some examples:

Huggies Natural diapers on sale at Target for $8.49. Usually $10.99. I had a $3 off manuf. coupon and a $1 off Huggies Target coupon (you can use a man. coupon and store coupon together). So I got them for $4.49! They were a little small for Abram but they worked!

Once Walgreens had their diapers B1G1 free. There was also a walgreens coupon for $2 off each package. They are $8.99 a package. With the sale it was $8.99 for both and then with the coupon it was$5 - I paid $2.50 per package!!!!!! And they are now my favorite generic brand. Closest to Pampers Ive found.

Dryers ice cream was on sale at Target for $2.50 each. If you bought 5 you got a $5 Target Gift Card (they frequently do deals like this). I had Target coupons for $1 off each one and one $1 off manuf. coupon. Thats a total of $6 off. So $12.50 - 6 = $6.50. I did them in a seperate transaction, got the gift card and used it towards the rest of my groceries. Factoring in the gift card I got them for $0.30 each!!!! They are great to have in the freezer for an easy dessert at Life Group or when we have company.

Target has some AWESOME coupons sometimes. Like $1 off a lb of apples. So you put only 1 pound in a bag and use the coupon and they are free! Happens with their small artisan breads too. And you print the Target coupons online so you can print as many as you want. Some stores give people problems but the Target on Overton Ridge is great - never have had an issue. Ive gotten so many things free there!

Healthy Chocolate Cake!!!!!

2009-09-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

I know y'all think Im crazy making cake out of beans but seriously, this is awesome!!! And even better - you can eat it 100% Guilt-Free!!!!

Steve and I are off sugar until Nov 17th - no cheats. So I wanted to make something fun and sweet to satisfy those cravings. Check out THIS healthy chocolate cake. This chick rocks in the kitchen!

You have to let it sit overnight but we just ate it for snack and it was GOOD.

It didnt rise like I wanted because my baking soda is old (I buy the aluminum-free baking soda and baking powder and the soda is hard to find!)

You could make cupcakes, eat it without icing, or just drizzle some agave on it (keep agave consumption to a minimum, more on that to come)

Just wanted to share in case I had some adventurous blog readers out there!

P.S. Is there an Ashley H. out there??? I have someone who signed up on my swagbucks (thanks!) and I dont know who you are. Im dying of curiosity! Say hi, ok? :) Im up to 66 swagbucks already - they just roll in!

Click HERE if you are ready to finally sign up and earn your own Amazon gift cards. Ashley just signed up and she's already earned 19! awesome!

Sweet baby girl

2009-09-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

This is our friend's daughter. They were over the other night encouraging us and hanging out and my camera just couldnt stop taking pictures of her! She is 3 months younger than Abram and tiny as can be!

(I love the bokeh in this, Im getting to know my new 50mm f/1.4 and I love it so far! p.s. non-photography people - bokeh is the blurred/out-of-focus part of the picture, where the lights look like glowing circles. dont say you never learn anything on this blog! ;))

Estimated Due Dates - are just that

2009-09-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

One thing that really gets me going is when I sweet a sweet pregnant friend stressing out because her doctor wants to induce labor. Often the mom is tired and emotional and the Dr has thrown out scare-tactic words like "big baby" or "shoulder dystocia" or "old placenta". Very often they are only a few days past their EDD.

I came across this super interesting article about how they originally came up with calculating due dates. Aside from the mathematical formulas and their errors - the simple truth is that we are not machines. We are not carbon copies spewed out from a lifeless evolutionary process. We are human beings, each lovingly created by the Lord, each unique! And each baby is also unique, each pregnancy is unique. Its really sad that so many OBs have become so rigid about "estimated" due dates.

Article. (check it out, very interesting!)

A clip:

They found that for first time mothers (nulliparas) pregnancy lasted an average of 288 days (41 weeks 1 day). For multiparas, mothers who had previously given birth, the average gestational length was 283 days or 40 weeks 3 days.

Patience is a virtue!

Pictures

2009-09-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

I wish I had more time to work on pictures but Ive been kind of out of that routine lately. But thats a good thing since it can suck up HOURS and I have plenty of other things to do. But not tonight :)

First day of School 2009!

Jayna - working hard with her beloved pink highlighter

My sweet Caleb. Loved the way the light was hitting his eyes and grabbed my camera. Its really hard with how dark his eyes can be (and Jayna too) so I was thrilled to catch this! It really shows the true color of his eyes.

2009-09-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Warning: long blog ahead :)

I need to catch this online journal up-to-date.....

Last night at CORE went sooooo much better. Thank you Jesus! I could definitely tell people were praying. They came and got me at some point. I went down and got him to eat his banana which helped his mood. but he totally freaked when I tried to leave. So I brought him up for awhile and he played in the corner (big room) and I got to listen to the speaker. That was great. When he got loud I took him down and distracted him playing with Jayna then left. He stayed down until it was over! yay! It was so much better, Im so thankful.

Today was our 4th day of our homeschool year. Its going well! Its actually really nice to have structured things to do. I can tell I will need to up the creativity a bit to keep them enjoying it but right now its still new so that makes the motivating pretty easy.

We are learning the 70 phonograms (its ok if you dont know what they are, I didnt either) using Spell to Write and Read. There is a test book that goes with it that a friend lent me where they child reads a short story and answers comprehension questions. When I read it for him, Noah would get nearly all the questions correct, scoring at like a 9th grade level. I was pleasantly surprised to know his comprehension is doing so well. But it only really counts when they read it themselves and answer what they can in 3 mins. When I tested him that way he scored at grade level 4.4 (he's in second grade). He's so easy to teach, its really neat.

We are doing Saxon for math again. Calebs doing kindergarten (Saxon 1) and Noahs doing 2nd grade (Saxon 3). We got 5 lessons done this week and so far so good!

We are reading about the Middle Ages in Story of the World. Thats kind of hard for Caleb to track with (he's not big on auditory stuff like Noah is) but Noah looooooves it. Today we read about the fall of Rome to the barbarians.

We are reading the classic version of Pinnoccio. Ive never read it, I had no idea how different the move is from the original! So far both boys enjoy that a lot (Jaynas listening but its pretty over her head)

Jaynas doing little alphabet stuff for our letter of the week: A. She made an uppercase and lowercase A out of beans the first day and today had an "A" coloring page with polka dots so we practiced coloring in the lines. I also got a chance to work with her on shapes today. It is so stinkin' cute how she says "triangle". oh my goodness. too cute. It has like 4 syllables LOL. Otherwise she just sits at the table with her pink highlighter and colors and colors in her notebook. its so cute! :)

Speaking of syllables....I taught the boys about them today. How cool is it to teach your child something like that?!?! Its something you just "know" but really someone taught you and its something they will always know. That's the stuff that makes homeschooling so rewarding for me. We did it using clapping and it was fun!

There were not-so-fun parts this week too. Usually it involved Abram being displeased with not being the center of my attention. Its hard to read over his screaming and hard to do school when he learned to climb up on the bench and onto the table (eek!) He will get used to it though!

So....my midwife recommended I try to lose about 15 lbs before we conceive again, to help avoid having another Abram-sized baby (he was 9lbs11oz, nearly a pound larger than the other kids). Only God knows when (and if) that will be but I am jumping back on track and eating well again. Its my usual thing I do - no eating after 8, no sugar or white flour, etc. etc. Focusing on as little processed food as possible, more green veggies, etc. I want to set that example for the kids. She also put me on Diflucan to kick this thrush once and for all and being off the sugar will definitely help with that (it came back after the Gentian Violet, just a tiny bit, but still back). We get so far off track when we have company - so we'll just blame it all on them haha! :) Ive already lost 2lbs so it should be worth it. Im pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight but I want to go about 8lbs beneath that.

ANYWAYS. If you read this far....wow. Its really not that interesting :) I am unworthy of your attention.

God is moving here and we are excited. Excited to be challenged at CORE and as we lead life group - thats really stretching right now but in a good way. We learned some super cool things about prayer last night that are really encouraging us! He is good! (could I ever say that enough?!?!?!)

I have some pictures to edit. always so much to do. But I also need to go get organized. We have leadership community meeting at 8am tomorrow! Thats always crazy getting the kids there by myself (steve works) :)

Jaynas special day: Sept 11, 2009

2009-09-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

Last Wed I heard Noah saying something to Jayna about having to go to church. He was using his "teasing voice" and she was whining about whatever he was saying. So I called them in to find out what was going on. Jayna came in, arms crossed, lips stuck out in a pout, obviously very worked up.

"Noah say me have be Kiss-chin. Me no want be kiss-chin!"

"Jayna do you know what a Christian is? that just means that you love Jesus and you want to walk with him all your life!" (said in a cheerful voice)

"No me want be kiss-chin!"

"thats fine. you dont have to be" (glared at Noah and told him to leave her alone)

I got her calmed down and then he said something else and she comes right back in, BURSTS into tears and says,

"You kiss-chin mommy?!?!"
(heart obviously broken by this revelation, oh the betrayal!)

"Yes Jayna, I love Jesus!"

"No me want you be kiss-chin" (sob, sob, sob)

I told her that I would always be a Christian and just tried to comfort her and got Noah to leave her alone.

Fast forward to yesterday evening..........

Jayna came in and so sweet and joyfully said, with a HUGE smile,

"Me want be kiss-chin mommy!!!"

"you do?!"

"Uh-huh! Me want me kiss-chin!"

I explained that people usually pray and that Jesus will come live in your heart and he will help you and always be with you and asked her several times if thats what she wanted. She insisted it was - it was sooooo precious! So we called in daddy and the boys.

Steve squatted down in the doorway and she cupped his face in her hands and asked, "you kiss-chin daddy?" and he said yes and her smile got even wider and she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.
MELTED MY HEART!!!

So we all put hands on her and Daddy led a very simple prayer which she copied so sweetly and we all rejoiced together!!!!

I dont believe saying a prayers saves you but I do believe that if you ask Him to come, He will come. I believe there is something so sincere in a child's heart for God that is unexplainable and beyond our comprehension as adults. I dont know how it all works for a 3yr old but I do know that the Lord has a special plan for Jayna's life! This is only the beginning of His story for her!!! Praise Him!!!!

(the boys were also 3 when they asked about being a Christian and then prayed to accept Jesus as their Savior. Each one of them it was totally unprovoked and not something we'd talked about. Its neat to see God working in their lives!!!)

HE IS GOOD!!!!

Calebs 1st Injury :(

2009-09-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

Caleb has had some bumps and bruises and he's busted open his lip a few times.... but nothing like this.

This morning the boys were playing with Daddy's disc golf frisbees - which they werent supposed to be doing. Noah threw it to Caleb and it hit him in his mouth. It hit just right and caused one tooth to come through his lip and to slice the front of the lip open horizontally. The poor kids mouth is a mess. All his teeth in front, top and bottom, are sore too. It was bleeding ALOT as facial wounds do.

We ended up not going to get it stitched (talked with our Dr friend Dr Brown!). The wound doesnt cross over the line of the lip. The cut in the front is not deep either. So we let it alone after a long time with some ice. its all purple and nasty now. Poor baby! Id like to say he was super tough but he was basically losing it - it hurts so much :(

so I took some pictures. woohoo!

(love his tongue in this one - he was cutting something and obviously concentrating very hard!)

and going back to my last post - here is Abram after I made him come inside after we took these pictures. He just LOVES to be out on the front porch and HATES coming in!

Head-banging

2009-09-09T18:27:00.000-07:00

My poor, sweet, fourth child. Sometimes mama just doesnt respond to him as quickly as he likes. And sometimes he really does have to wait awhile to get some time with me :( . So recently he has started sitting down and banging his head on the floor when he gets frustrated! soooo sad! He also did it the other day when I brought him in from being outside when he didnt want to come in. :(

so of course, I "swagbucked it" (haha!) and found THIS article from Dr Greene that says its normal. Of course moms whose children do this worry about autism but he has all of the signs that say Abram is fine (points, looks in the direction I look, role plays). Actually one study said that children who "head-bang" (i have a head-banger baby LOL) had higher gross-development ... so he hits his head on the ground because he's smart? ummmmm......ok?

by the way...you really should sign up for swagbucks. Ive earned $25 in Amazon gift cards since I started! They have a snazzy new toolbar now too. And for the month of Sept, if you download the toolbar, they'll give you a free swagbuck each day! That means if you sign up today you get 21 right off the bat. I win them all the time when I search though, its fun! Once you get 45 you can turn them in for a $5 Amazon giftcard. It happens faster than you think! (click here to sign up!)

anyways. thats all about my head-banging baby and how looking up things like why my baby hits his head on things earns me money! haha! :)

CORE retreat

2009-09-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

This past Fri and Sat was the CORE training school retreat at church. There are about 20 of us going through this 9 month school and I am really excited about it. The Lord answered prayers (above and beyond our prayers!) for the kids and they did amazingly well with my friend Carmen. She was amazing - she got Abram down for the night Fri (we got home about 10:30pm) and down for his normal naptime today (home at 3). Its so sweet to me that he knows her and trusts her. So aside from anything else I was super blessed by her just loving my kids and that they had a great time!

The retreat was basically just a time for everyone to share their testimony - how they came to know the Lord and how they ended up in CORE. It was very emotionally draining for me (in a good way) - I cried a lot listening to everyone's stories. There was such pain and yet always redemption, always hope and amazing stories of how God moved. We were almost last to share so I also was nervous the entire time which exhausted me. It was fun to share though.

tomorrow is church and Life group is here. Its so awesome to be in a community setting and be doing it *Together* after longing and longing for that for so long. I guess Id forgotten how hard things were for us before we moved to Texas...Steve was working 6 days a week including sundays. I was incredibly lonely. I went to church alone with the kids and that was about it. My friends had all moved away after college and none of them had kids yet (I was blessed to meet my first internet friend who I am still close friends with today! Our friendship was a saving grace for me at that time. Hi Jennifer!!!) Anyways we were living separate lives almost. I was stressed out and dealing with some PPD after Caleb and not a fun wife to be married to - AT. ALL. We had Steves parents nearby and they were awesome, very supportive. But our marriage was not doing well at all.

We were determined to move wherever we had to so that we could have family time and Steve could be off on Sundays and we could go and worship the Lord together, as a family. We needed a change and we needed it quickly and it came in the form of TX. Thankfully we had a ton of time together because he didnt have a job for 4 months. And when he did get a job he was off Sundays.

But after a few years we found ourselves in a similar place. I was super involved with moms groups and friends and other church things and Steve wasnt. Even though we went to church together Sunday, we werent growing together. We longed for doing ministry together, for loving people together, as a family. We longed for community and unconditional love that wasnt based on performance. Anyways we are blessed to be where we are now. Its an answer to years of prayer ... uh oh here come the tears again....The Lord had a perfect plan.

I know CORE is just the next step, the next set of stretching and challenging for us. Im nervous but excited - He is always faithful and He never rips us off. I know even though it may be hard, He is doing this out of love so it will be GOOD :)

wow. didnt intend to blab. although sometimes its nice to just blab on your blog (say that 10 times fast!). I want to always look back at this time and praise the Lord for what He is doing!

:)

Whats going on today

2009-09-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

Its a busy, busy day. Im giving the battle against thrush one last push this week. We've started Abram and I on gentian violet again (bright puple, staining anti-fungal that goes in his mouth. looks like he's been sucking on a marker!). So i had the kids collect ALLLLL the toys in the house and Im cleaning them all....twice. First with Grapefruit Seed Extract and then with vinegar. Ill only let them have a few so I can clean again when the Gentian Violet course is over. If this doesnt work then Ill resort to drugs. This is all I have in me! Its so much work.....washing sheets and towels continually on hot, with vinegar in the rinse. Boiling my pump and bras, washing sippies in dishwasher after short use, tons of herbs for me, etc. Its just too much for my brain. Praying this works!

Last thurs we started our church's CORE training school. Its missions training basically. It lasts the duration of the school year - weekly classes, lots of reading, checklists, etc. Its intense, not with the purpose of academics but in developing character, training in evangelism, etc. Anyways this Fri and Sat is a retreat. Its not overnight but will go late Fri. My friend Carmen is watching the kids. Isnt she brave?! Pray for her! ;) I hate leaving the kids but excited to be challenged. Nervous and excited.

if its not raining we plan to go to the zoo tomorrow with daddy. he has both days off for the retreat. always love time with him :)

Super exciting news that I think only Im excited about around here......upgrading my prime lens! I have a 50mm f/1.8 and Im upgrading to a f/1.4. Doesnt sound like much but it will actually let in 3x the amount of light. That means better pictures in low lighting. Its also super fast and sharp. Im excited :) Im selling my old lens to a friend and then using my birthday money. Cant wait.

Abrams sleeping so I cant waste all my time blogging! Other kids needs lunch and then I hope to retreat to my room for a quiet time and a rest. We are trying out a new routine - they watch TV only when the baby's sleeping so I can get a break. Keeps them quiet and in one place. Otherwise, there is no hope for me having any alone time. This is day 3 and it works for a little bit. We were doing quiet time in their room but its right next to where Abram naps and I spent the entire time shhhhh'ing them and being stressed out. This way will be better I hope! Always thinking and praying about making this house work for everyone :)

Have a great day everyone!
Our King is majestic and beautiful. He is faithful in our faithlessness. He is good!

Testing 2

2009-08-31T19:29:00.000-07:00

My favorite from his birthday pictures. This one just makes me smile! :)

(it worked!!! a big, pretty picture.Im happy its clear and I FINALLY learned to widen my main column :))

Here is how most of the session went - him running and me chasing.

and then he'd just laugh!
(it was HOT out there. I cant remember why he didnt have a shirt on but I think thats why! I was in a full-sweat by the time I was done chasing this little monkey around.)

Testing

2009-08-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

(bummer. figured how to enlarge the pictures but it looks horrible. its definitely not like that in "real life". hmmmmm. got a new layout and a signature though. 2/3 isnt too bad :))

Oh, happy days!

2009-08-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

The nursing strike is OVER!!!! I have my nursling back :) Praise the Lord!!!!! After 40 days or refusing me during the day, Abram suddenly started nursing two days ago. Little stinker. He's back to nursing just like before, coming to me for comfort or when he is tired, etc. Its SUCH a relief not to have to pump anymore! Im so, so thankful.

Check out this YouTube video - turn it up, grab someone and dance around with joy like I did this morning! He is so good! His joy is overwhelming!

Here is a picture I took when Steves mom was here. Except for the fact that my suburbans in it, I really like it ;)

Nursing

2009-08-23T21:09:00.001-07:00

well he refused to nurse again that day and every other time I offered until this evening. He was just fussy so I tried to act normal and offered it and he nursed for about a minute! I was shocked again. Who knows....maybe we will ease back into it?

He still has thrush :( I thankfully dont have any symptoms/pain but it would be easier if I didnt have to deal with sterilizing the pump constantly. We have tried some natural things and now we are trying some nystatin. hoping to kick it soon! Thankfully the diaper rash part is much better.

fun day today. I left during the sermon part of church. abram cant play with the other kids since thrush can be contagious and he was really wound up and exhausting me. So we drove and he was asleep pretty quickly and slept 1.5hrs in the carseat! We had life group afterwards - really big group today. We had 15 adults and 19 kids so it was busy! I was outside with the kids with another friend. it was HOT. nasty hot. instantly-sweating-the-second-you-walk-outside kind of hot. YUCK.

steve and his mom picked up a simple dinner of hot dogs and pizza from costco. i love their pizza :) i dont care what we eat either, if I dont have to cook. A few more days of my vacation and then its back to reality!!!! So thankful for this time though...its wonderful to have her here. She is truly a blessing!

tomorrow steve and i are going to tackle the garage while Sharon watches the kids. then we will head over to a waterpark to spend the afternoon. Fun!!! Then at night there is a big gathering for moms at church and im doing a short 5 min talk on how to "Clean Green" :) It will be a busy day but hopefully productive.

everyone else is asleep. as much as i love to spend hours doing things while its like this im going to try to be disciplined to make myself get to bed now. Night y'all!

One month and 5 days.......

2009-08-22T11:40:00.001-07:00

One month and 5 days since Abram nursed during the day.....and he just nursed!!!! He was crying and crying and not wanting to go down for his nap. The last few days he's been going down without any rocking or holding, just some hugs and a little back rubs so it was weird that he was putting up such a fight. Finally I decided to try nursing he latched right on! Im still in shock. Im hoping that we can go back and I can quit pumping, that would be awesome!!!!

Last night was night #3 that Abram was in his own bed at night. Steve and I both decided it was time. Its been hard though. Last night was the hardest and we finally just brought him back to our bed at 2am. Even then he was up a lot and nursing a lot. I think his molars hurt. He is still working on those! But we will keep working on it. Steve thought maybe that separation will cause him to nurse again in the day.....maybe?!

they grow up so fast *sniff sniff* I wouldnt change one thing about having him co-sleep at night for so long. It was what worked for all of us and was such a sweet, precious time between us. But things are changing and he is getting so big! :)

Fingers and Couches

2009-08-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

Cut the tip of my finger off yesterday. It really hurt. Kind of ruined my morning. It still really hurts but its getting better. Mostly I was nauseous just looking at it all day!

*warning: Gross picture**

But today we picked up our new-to-us couches and we love them!!!! Awesome story there but for now Ill just share pictures (thanks mom!!!!) :) Oh and it was a really great deal for some genuine leather couches in great condition. yay!

(this picture is the true color - below. its a very pretty neutral. My MIL is here and she is great at decorating so we are working on getting some color in there!)

:)

Thrush :(

2009-08-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Abram was crying when I put him in the carseat the other day and I peeked in to check on his molars only to see that his mouth is FULL of white spots :( :( :( Im so sad :(

some of you may remember the awful, hellish, 8 month-long battle I had with thrush when I was nursing Caleb. I was on a lot of antibiotics with him because of my kidney stone issues. This time I have no idea why it happened. I'm guessing from using the pump and only handwashing it? and eating too much sugar with too little sleep.

so far I dont have pain but I am overwhelmed with all i need to do to get rid of it. We may go straight for gentian violet this time. I'll probably get rid of the bottles (dont trust the nipples, even boiled, I believe Calebs pacis reinfected him) and move to sippies only. This means some serious sleep issues at naptime since he drinks the bottle while I rock him (time for that to go anyways). But all the meds (grapefruit seed extract, garlic, vit C, etc), all the laundry (on hot, iron bras to kill it, etc), all the replacing (toothbrushes, etc) and cleaning everything his mouth touches .......sigh.

Please pray it is gone fast, fast, fast and stays away! I need to get it gone soon for my mental health!

On a happy note I have a super cool story I will share soon. God is just awesome!!! I did a silly "God is so cool" dance in my kitchen today ....just so blown away by how He is moving right now!!!! Made me jump for joy! Story soon :)

thanks for praying!

Bean Cake :)

2009-08-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

So here is the gluten/soy/dairy/sugar-free recipe that I used for Abrams cupcakes. I was so curious to try it with the beans!!! You really couldnt taste them at all. They rose nicely and looked just like a regular cupcake! I was very impressed. I used agave instead of honey but also used the stevia it calls for. I made the icing but without the raw egg white.

Here is the link: Healthy Indulgences
(this chick is super cool. she is a poor college student who buys these cool ingredients when she can and whips up these amazing creations in her tiny kitchen!)